Unsure.

It has now been a solid 2 weeks since my last good night of sleep because of this horrible sleep regression Aspen is going through. It's grating on both of us.

I know it was "officially" decided yesterday that we are going to start trying for a second baby in a few weeks, but knowing what I am getting into leaves me really unsure about our decision, especially right now ... it's 2:30 in the morning and Aspen has been awake for over an hour. My alarm is going off in 3 hours and I am completely exhausted. The thought of having to do this x2 is nerve wracking and I just am not sure I am strong enough to handle it. I don't do well with no sleep and these sleep regressions are really hard for me. Brandon handles the lack of sleep better than I do, but I know he is exhausted too. He just doesn't break down as easily as I do.

I love Aspen more than life itself, but it is really hard for me to remember why I want another child at 2:30 in the morning when she is laying in her bed screaming. I feel like a horrible, horrible mother for thinking that ... even worse for actually typing it. It is hard to remember why I would want to do this again knowing just how hard it is.

Parenting is really hard. All I can do at this point is pray for patience for that little life that depends on me for everything. I love her to death, but sometimes I just don't feel strong enough.

This is one of those times.