Life is beautiful.

Happy day to you, my love

2012-02-19T23:00:00.000-08:00

Today my husband turns 25 (sometimes I can't believe how young we are) - and today, more than ever, I am beyond grateful for the man that he is.

"We've got all the strength we need in the shape of us." - Ian Britt

I love you, sweet husband of mine. You are the best man I know - my life is infinitely better because of you.

Being a working mom.

2012-02-15T10:15:00.001-08:00

I don’t mean to complain, but I do mean to be honest.

Being a working mom is really difficult sometimes. Thisweek, in particular, I really miss my little one. Seeing her 2 hours per nightis wearing on me. She’s started going to daycare 4 days/week instead of 3, andeven though that is immensely better for me in terms of productivity at work onWednesdays, it is really hard to not have that full day with her. On top ofthat, she has been asking for me in the mornings (she’s still asleep when Ileave), which breaks my heart. I love how excited she is when I get homebut honestly, I would trade that in aheartbeat if it meant I could just behome with her. She runs up to me, wraps her arms around my legs, and yells, “MAMA!!”… so sweet. As much as that warms my heart, I wish it were different.

I know the time will come when I can. Hopefully sooner thanlater. It’s just a matter of hanging on that long.

Apparently I'm a food blogger.

2012-02-09T22:48:00.000-08:00

As if I am not busy enough, I have added another something wonderful to my plate. Blogging about food.

It's mixing two of my favorite things together - food and writing. And it means I have an excuse to take pictures of and brag about the delicious food I've been whipping up lately.

You can find it here - Eat Well. Live wisely.

Woohoo!

Melt my heart.

2012-02-06T10:39:00.001-08:00

As I was driving her back to school after her flu shot today, I heard her give her sticker to Baby Bunny (who came into the doctor's office with us) and say, "Here you go. You so brave. You okay."

Motherhood is such a blessing.

2012-02-05T22:28:00.000-08:00

This one is especially important to document since it follows yesterdays dinner drama --

I know that I have succeeded as a mother because, as I was pushing Aspen through Fred Meyer this evening, I looked down to see her snuggling the bag of brown rice. Then I heard her say, so very sweetly, "I love you so much." I don't care if she really loves the rice or if she was pretending the rice was something else. What matters to me is that she hears that phrase enough to know it's worth repeating. I love my little girl (you guessed it) SO very much.

Discipline is hard.

2012-02-04T19:16:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like a 20 minute (that seems like forever) toddler tantrum during dinner to welcome you back from vacation. Sigh.

Aspen kept trying to stand up in her booster chair at dinner, which is dangerous (and irritating). I finally told her that if she didn't stop, she would have to get down and she would not get to finish dinner. So instead, she started screaming at the top of her lungs (just to get our reaction, of course). So we again gave her a warning, except this time she did not stop. I'm sure you can guess what came next - Aspen was excused from the table. And after that, she laid on the floor in the kitchen and threw a giant fit.

Needless to say, she was very mad at me and she also did not get to finish dinner. I finally got her to calm down and had her apologize for not following directions, but man. Being consistent, following through, and discipline are hard work.

Heath, wellness, and food.

2012-01-15T22:33:00.000-08:00

Ever since we planted our first pea seeds last spring, I have been pulled toward food that is both delicious and wholesome. Something about planting, growing, tending to, and sowing our food really made me feel like I have become one with the food that I choose to eat. I feel like I have been preparing for this path since Brandon and I got married, as I came to our marriage with very few cooking skills and eagerly dove into the kitchen headfirst upon becoming a wife. Over the last four and a half years I have learned to cook favorite childhood dishes and follow recipes. When it came time to feed our little one, I chose to make the baby food myself rather than buying store bought.

But over the last year, I have actually learned how to cook. How to put down the recipe card (or not even use one) and just put foods together to make something delightful. I have been on the hunt for foods that look, taste, and make me feel amazing. I have looked at a recipe for inspiration, gone to my kitchen to see what we have, and created dishes that I am proud of. Dishes that people want to eat. Dishes that are more nourishing than anything I ever could have bought.

I am overcoming cooking fears: dried beans, quinoa, etc. Lentils are next on the list. In fact, they are in a jar in my pantry (because yes, I bought organic lentils in bulk) waiting to be used in a dish this week. Many of the meals we have eaten in the last two weeks have included almost nothing out of the pantry. My fridge is full of leftovers waiting to be eaten or repurposed. We are eating well and I am very happy about it.

We're definitely not 'health nuts'. We're not doing anything extreme like a juice fast or going gluten free or throwing out any and all processed foods. But I am working to fill our pantry, fruit bowl, fridge, and freezer with the most delicious foods possible. I am working to fill our lives with more whole foods. I want to create a food culture for Aspen that centers around people enjoying food together in ways that don't lead to body image issues or health problems later on down the road.

Conversations with a two year

2012-01-15T17:03:00.001-08:00

Me: No more snow.
Aspen: turn it on a little bit.

After buying a sixty cent turtle at the toy store--
Me: What are you going to name your turtle?
Aspen: Fancy Fancy

Zoo Lights at the Portland Zoo

2011-12-25T22:45:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday night (December 21), Brandon and I finally managed to make it to Zoo Lights at the Portland Zoo. This is something we have been talking about doing since we got back to Portland 2 1/2 years ago, but we haven't had/made the time. This year, our friends Jeremy and Joni (and little Sofia) invited us to go, so we made it a priority.

First of all, I love the Portland Zoo - I have never been to a 'famous' zoo, but honestly, the Portland Zoo is one of my favorites. I'm always impressed at the spread of animals, the habitats they work to create, and the improvements they are constantly making. Their light exhibit, in my opinion, is pretty top notch. Thousands and thousands of lights strung across existing exhibits, making new exhibits, etc. I was pretty impressed. :)

We started our evening off with a hodge-podge dinner at the Roylance's home (soup, salad, chips and guac, etc). We ultimately decided that instead of taking 2 cars all the way to the zoo, we would just take the Max, which turned out to be a better bet anyway. We didn't have to deal with crazy parking lots, traffic on Hwy 26, or the overflow parking lot shuttle. Instead, we got on the train, took it one stop east, and went up to the zoo. :) Not bad! Brandon and I ended up scoring free tickets to zoo lights by a zoo member who wasn't going to use the free passes they get with their membership - we were at the back of the line and he walked right up and offered them to us! It was wonderful and we absolutely appreciated being able to get in for free!

Other than being cold, we have a great time! Once we got elephant ears and hot cocoa, we warmed up too. :) We walked around about 3/4 of the zoo and checked out the lights. Aspen was totally mesmerized (and really tired because it was nearly bedtime by the time we got there - and really cold because, did I mention, it was freezing out) the entire time and I think she had fun! She loves Sofia (who is 4), so having a friend there certainly helped make things better.

Overall, it was a great night! We were really glad we went! Between the train ride and the car ride home, we got Aspen in bed around 10:30pm, which is pretty late, but she was a total trooper. We definitely look forward to going again next year!

3am = no good.

2011-12-22T12:30:00.000-08:00

Sleep regressions are killer. We hit them every couple months and now that Aspen is older, more opinionated (is that possible? haha), and has more going on in her life, they seem to last longer and longer. As a 9 - 20 month old, we generally hit a sleep regression about once a month for 3-4 days at a time. No big deal. 3-4 days with bad sleep is doable. I mean, it didn't seem doable at the time, but hindsight is 20/20 you know. ;)

Anyway, since September or so, her sleep regressions have been lasting for about a month at a time and then we get 1 1/2 - 2 months of normalcy and then another month of horrible sleep. We are currently on (what I hope will be) the tail end of a sleep regression that has been going on since right after Thanksgiving and it's driving me nuts. Last night she was up from 2:30-4:15am, which meant I was up from 2:30-almost 5am. Sigh. Of all the hours in the day that she could cry, she chooses the middle of the night when I have the least amount of patience. Double sigh.

Thankfully I am on vacation, which means I don't have to work today. It would have been a joke if I had, but I don't have to so I'm not worried. However, I do have a ton to get done before we leave tonight to go to Medford until Monday. Cranky, needy toddler doesn't make that very easy.

So what do I do? Put her down for an early nap. Make a good cup of coffee with Brandon's fancy new stovetop espresso maker (Christmas gift from his lovely wife) and sit on the couch in complete silence before deciding to write a blog post.

I really should get going on everything that needs to be finished before we leave (particularly the laundry) since I have no idea if Brandon is going to get home early or if he'll actually have to work until 5. At least I got the rest of the presents wrapped - it's almost Christmas and the presents are going with us. Therefore, they are the most important thing, right? Right.

Okay ... done rambling. Coffee is getting cold and the laundry is not going to finish itself.

Vacation!!

2011-12-21T13:41:00.000-08:00

I am officially on vacation until January 3rd - hooray! I actually have considered myself on vacation since Monday evening when I left the office because I took yesterday off. However, I had a few hours of work to do today (most of which I did last night) to round out my week, so technically I wasn't on vacation until today.

All of that aside ... I am beyond excited to be on vacation! We are going to Medford at some point tomorrow and will be home Monday evening. Then I will still have a full week of hanging out with my kiddo before returning to work in 2012. This is definitely a much needed vacation!

Today we have a 2 year old.

2011-12-20T21:55:00.000-08:00

Today we have a 2 year old. A delightful, sweet, loving, intelligent, beautiful, hilarious, joyful, lively 2 year old.

I cannot believe that we have already made it here, but at the same time, I can barely remember what my life was like before bringing this sweet girl into the world.

Aspen is so full of life - she has endless energy and for that, I am thankful. Although it wears me out and tries my patience sometimes, I will take my child who is full of energy over a child who wants to do nothing but watch TV all day. She constantly interacts with everyone and everything around her, almost always in a positive way. Her speech is incredible and I am constantly amazed at the things she is able to say and the sentences she is able to put together. More and more, we are able to carry on actual conversations with her, which is a pretty incredible development!

She is still in a stage of needing validation that we have heard and understood what she said. This means that when she says something, particularly in the car, we have to repeat it back to her. If we said it right, she moves on. If we ignore her, don't respond, don't hear her, or don't repeat it properly, she keeps saying it over and over again. Great for language development, I'm sure. Not so great for moms and dads who want to have conversations before their toddler goes to bed.

Aspen has always been, and continues to be, a great eater. We are so blessed! She eats just about anything we put in front of her and is not terribly picky about things. Sometimes she is hesitant to try new foods, but if we can get her to at least try it, she almost always loves it. Some of her favorite foods are green beans (particularly if they are from a can ... weird, I know), olives, hummus, cheese, broccoli, bananas, oatmeal, cereal, dried cranberries, and yogurt. We still keep her away from juice, with the exception of watered down apple juice (usually a 1:2 ratio of juice to water) when she is sick. And even with the holidays, we stay away from desserts whenever we can. She, of course, gets dessert on special occasions, but we try to stay away from the sugar at all costs. Remember how I mentioned that she is a lively little girl? Hype her up on sugar and we're lost.

In terms of sleeping, we are FINALLY getting back into a normal routine. Sort of. Although I'm sure it will get worse again before finally mellowing out. We've been battling staying asleep, going to bed at bedtime, etc for what feels like forever, even though it's only been a month or so. We are hoping to get her back on track completely soon. Mostly, she is going to bed around 8/8:30pm and waking up between 7 and 8am. We, of course, prefer 8am, but it doesn't seem like we're going to be getting that very much anymore. She is still taking one nap per day.

Overall, we are just really fortunate and blessed to have such a sweet little girl. She loves to read, play with cars and trains, and wrap her stuffed animals up in blankets and carry them around. She is the absolute light of my life and I am so excited to watch her continue to grow!

Happy birthday, little lady! I love you so, so much!

Happy birthday to the girl who changed my world.

2011-12-20T15:50:00.000-08:00

3 hours and 15 minutes from now, the sweetest, most incredible little girl I have ever met made her entrance into this world and instantly took hold of my heart. Our little love has changed me in so many ways, all of which are for the better - she is such a blessing in our lives.

Happiest of birthdays to you, Aspen Elizabeth! Mama and Daddy love you! xoxoxo

Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time

2011-12-18T22:26:00.000-08:00

New game

2011-12-18T22:21:00.000-08:00

Aspen's new favorite game is to lay on the love sac, be grabbed by the feet, and pulled across. The result of being pulled across a large microfiber covered bean bag is this --

Willamette Dental Christmas Party

2011-12-18T00:55:00.000-08:00

Brandon's work party was last weekend at the Embassy Suites Hotel by the Portland Airport. We had a really good time! It was really nice to get out and just hang out together! Jaimie and Curt babysat for us so that we could go, which we really appreciated. It was kind of last minute, so it was great that they volunteered!

We got to the party around 7pm and wandered around to see who was there that Brandon knew. Since he is relatively new to the company, he doesn't know a lot of people by face, especially since he works in the corporate office and there are many clinics in the area. They had a pretty impressive spread of foods for dinner, which was delightful! There was also an areal show, dancing, dessert, a photo booth, and a casino area (apparently you didn't actually pay to gamble, but we didn't partake).

We only stayed for a couple of hours before leaving. We decided to stop at Tugboat Brewing Company downtown for a drink and a game of scrabble. :) Our kind of place! Overall it was a really good night and honestly, you can't beat the company of my date. :)

HoHo 5k

2011-12-18T00:54:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, Brandon and I walked a 5k together. Originally I was supposed to run it, but after Thanksgiving, having a miscarriage, and then getting a really nasty cold, I was in no shape to run 3.1 miles. Instead, Brandon offered to walk with me, turning it into a family event. It was so nice to have the company and Aspen loves going on walks, so it worked out well!

The 5k started and ended at Cook Park in Tigard - it was a gorgeous little route through a neighborhood, along a trail that runs next to the Tualatin River, and then back through Cook Park again. We finished in about 49 minutes, which was just about what I anticipated (just a touch slower), but we managed to stay warm. :) My friend Jaimie ran it as well (we signed up together last month) and finished around the thirty minute mark. Go Jaimie! I'm so grateful for the support of my wonderful husband - especially on things like this that aren't really up his ally normally. However, he knew it was important to me, so he did it anyway. I love his company and it was really nice to have some time with just us and no distractions to talk and enjoy each other. Love that man!

At the end of the race, there was a Santa who was giving out little stuffed dogs. Aspen got one and thinks it's awesome. She calls it her Santa Puppy. :) They also had ho hos to snack on. So festive! There was also some homemade split pea soup that was quite delicious and really good about warming us up! What a cold morning it was! Not nearly as cold as when I ran my 10k last January, but cold nonetheless. All in all, it was a good day. I don't necessarily love racing, but it's always nice to know that we are supporting a good cause with our registration fees and donations. That's 2 races for me this year - we'll see what happens next year!

Aspen's second birthday party

2011-12-17T20:39:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Aspen's 2nd birthday yesterday with our friends, my mom, and my sisters and I'd say we had a great time! I just cannot believe that our little lady is already 2! Un. Be. Lievable.

There isn't really much to say about her party that can't be explained through pictures, so rather than writing a lengthy post, I'm just going to make it a picture-palooza. :)

The food choices included whole wheat apple muffins, cakes decorated like fishies (at Aspen's request and the inspiration of the internet. Thank you Pinterest.), veggies, dip, crackers, cheese, and fruit salad. It was a pretty delicious spread, if I don't say so myself!

On the morning of the party, Brandon took Aspen outside to see the geese flying over our house. They got pooped on.

I painted Aspen's nails for the very first time. My sisters reminded me that I said we could do it when she turned 2. :) She had the choice of all my different colors and she chose lavender.

We wrapped a giant gift from Maka and Bubba (motorized Barbie car).

Aspen wore her new party dress.

Guests included Jacob and Erika, Matt and Jessica, Jeremy, Joni, and Sofia, Mom, Marisa, and Sarah.

When everything seems like it is falling apart ...

2011-12-16T00:03:00.000-08:00

... that's when God is putting things together just the way He wants it.
-Unknown-

I firmly believe that things happen for a reason, generally for the greater good. Sometimes this belief is confounded by horrible things that happen, but by in large, I believe that we are each given a hand of cards that ultimately help us turn into the person we need to become.

Unfortunately, the hand of cards I have been given has not always been an easy hand to play. I have been through some pretty horrendous things in my life and I have experienced loss in very real and powerful ways - especially over the last couple of years. I am still working to trust and to understand, but when all is said and done, I still believe that (as John Mayer says) "the heart of life is good."

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then the circle of your firends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

It is no secret that the last few weeks have been rough. It is no secret that my heart is healing from my miscarriage. I don't think it is a surprise that I am not quite back to normal, although I am certainly starting to get back to my normal self. Grief is such a strange thing - it comes and it goes, often one as quickly as the other. Thankfully, I have been blessed with tremendously wonderful people in my life. People I can talk with, laugh with, and cry with. People who have seen me at my worst, love me anyway, and then see me through to my best again. Not everyone is able to make a statement like that with complete confidence, but I can. And I know how lucky that makes me.

Life is hard sometimes.
Sometimes we don't get what we want.
Sometimes we don't get what we deserve.
But it is possible to move on and be happy, regardless.

I decided a long time ago that I would never let my circumstances break me or define me, but that I would use them as a stepping stone to get somewhere better. This is just another one of those times when I have to look my pain straight in the eye, breathe, and take a step forward. Every day is progress toward something better. Every day is proof that I am capable of more than I ever give myself credit for. Every day is a chance to be grateful for who and what I have been blessed with. Today is no exception.

Not eloquent. Not graceful. Not today.

2011-12-06T21:10:00.001-08:00

This will be a difficult post to write.
For some people, it will probably be difficult to read (there, you have been warned).

I am not sure how to say this with any sort of eloquence just like I do not know how to handle this situation with any amount of grace. This post (as well as posts that will also become public once I post this) will be raw and uncensored because ... well ... that's the only way I can wear my grief the way I promised myself I would.

16 days I ago I found out I was pregnant (yay us!).
9 days ago I started bleeding and suspected that I was having a miscarriage, only to have it confirmed by blood tests the following day.

My heart is heavy and I am not entirely sure how to handle the deep sadness that comes with miscarriage - even though I went through a fake miscarriage with Aspen, I was not prepared for the length of time I would feel said sadness. I was not prepared for the amount of grief my heart would experience. There was no way to prepare myself for this and there is no way to make it better.

That kills me.

I am not one who likes to feel out of control. I do not like when decisions are made on my behalf without my consent. I do not like when things I want and have been blessed with are taken away. No one asked me if it was okay to miscarry. No one asked me if it was okay for me to have to try again. No one asked me if it was a good idea to end my pregnancy. No one even warned me it was coming.

That sucks.

This whole situation sucks and even though I have wonderfully supportive friends and family, it doesn't change the fact that it happened. And it doesn't erase my fear that it could happen again.

Of course I know it happened for a reason, but that does not change the fact that it breaks my heart to know that I went from being pregnant to not being pregnant without any warning or opportunity to make it right. It doesn't change the fact that the excitement quickly turned to fear, grief, and and intense feeling of loss before I even got to fully experience the excitement.

This entire week has been a nightmare, but I promised myself that I would let myself feel whatever I feel ... regardless of how uncomfortable it is and regardless of how uncomfortable it makes other people. It is the only way I am going to be able to come out on top and return to my bright, cheery self.

Just one day ... one moment at a time. That's the best I can do.

Back story can be found in these (now public) posts -- start at the bottom for the oldest installment.
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/12/6-days-later.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/12/just-when-i-think-i-start-to-feel.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/11/my-worst-fears-have-been-confirmed.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/11/waiting.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/11/scared.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/11/reactions-to-news.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/11/baby-making-success.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/10/confessional.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/09/change-of-routine.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/09/i-guess-this-makes-it-official.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/09/unsure.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/09/big-decision.html
http://samanthatrask.blogspot.com/2011/08/baby-talk.html

6 days later

2011-12-03T12:10:00.001-08:00

It's been 6 days and I seem to be mostly healed physically. The bleeding has stopped completely and yesterday I didn't cramp at all. Unfortunately I woke up this morning with a head cold - throat hurting a bit, my nose stuffed up, and a headache. I'm just ... tired. And sad. Totally worn out emotionally which is leaving me pretty worn out physically. This is much harder than I ever thought it would be.

Another installment of As Heard From The Backseat

2011-12-02T21:29:00.001-08:00

"Mommy, Daddy, I wub you."

So grateful for our little love, especially after the week I've had.

Just when I think I start to feel normal again ...

2011-12-01T20:55:00.001-08:00

... the cramps come back with a vengeance.

I was doing okay today. I got up. I went to work on time. I still drove to work because I'm not quite ready to deal with people on the train yet. But I got to work on time. I showed up. While I didn't call any students until 2:00, I did other work that made me useful and somewhat productive. Ben didn't mind - he understands and just wants me to be okay. And quite frankly, I think he's just glad that I showed up.

Then ... 3:30 ... my stomach is knots. Like, I have to put my head on my desk for a moment because it hurts so bad. I make a call. I barely get through it. I go to the bathroom. I go back to my desk and make another call. Thankfully it was short because I was done for. Packed up my stuff, shut off my computer, wrote Ben a note (because he was on the phone), and left.

Walked out to the car and nearly burst into tears in the middle of the street because I feel the cramps are a giant fuck you from the universe. I hardly had any pain while I was bleeding heavily, and now that the bleeding has slowed down to barely noticeable, there is some other physical ailment reminding me that I lost a baby. That my pregnancy ended. That we are not having a baby in July.

Thanks universe, I almost forgot. Good thing you were there to remind me.

2011-11-30T10:33:00.001-08:00

My worst fears have been confirmed.

I officially lost the baby.

I called the nurse at 4:30 as instructed only to be told that my hormone levels had dropped dramatically from 140 to 16, which meant that there was no way my pregnancy was viable.

The last couple of days have been a blur as I have felt like crap physically and have been on the verge of falling apart emotionally. I officially hate this week.

After getting off the phone with the nurse, I totally lost it. I was home alone, in bed, bawling hysterically while trying to type some sort of comprehensible words to Brandon to tell him what happened. Thankfully it was close enough to the end of the day that he was able to leave work a few minutes early. He came straight home and held me for a good 40 minutes before we had to get Aspen from daycare. That husband of mine truly is incredible. What a horrible feeling it is to know that my body is literally expelling this baby that we want so badly. Brandon has been telling me since Sunday that it's not my fault - he refuses to let me take it on and he knows me well enough to know that I will inevitably turn the blame on myself. I am so blessed to have his positive voice in my head every day.

Otherwise, I'm just working on being okay. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to lose my mind and otherwise I feel like I can function like a normal human again. And sometimes (yesterday evening) I wander aimlessly around the store trying to figure out what I actually came for ... even though my list is in my pocket. We hadn't told many people I was pregnant to begin with, but I am really grateful to have people I can reach out to who are being more supportive and loving than I could have even asked for. It's really nice to be taken care of right now. Every single person I have reached out to has immediately come back with loving support and incredible amounts of care. I can't even begin to explain how much I appreciate that.

My heart is heavy. This hurts. It flat out sucks and I won't pretend it doesn't. Sometimes I forget how strong I am until something like this comes around and really knocks me off my feet. Then I remember that even though this is horrific, it is nowhere near the worst thing I have experienced, so I know my heart will heal and I will be able to move forward. I committed a long time ago to not allowing my circumstances to define me and this is one of those moments where I can choose to be belittled by what is happening, or I can take it and do what I can with it. There are so many aspects of my life that push me to fight through this, even though it kills me. I just can't roll over and give up. I can't.

So yeah ... that's that. I'm healing. Or trying to anyway. I'm still not quite sure how I move on from this. Nor do I really know what to expect in terms of how long it will take to be over physically. So for now I'm just going to take it day by day and feel whatever I feel at the time. After losing my dad last year, I have realized that doing so is the only way I'm actually going to be okay in the long run. And with that, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Waiting.

2011-11-28T15:44:00.001-08:00

Still bleeding. Still very minimal pain. Still waiting. Still trying to hold on to hope, even though I feel it slipping away every time I use the bathroom and see the blood.

I called the doctor's office today and spoke to an advice nurse. She ordered more bloodwork to check my hormone levels, iron levels, and blood type. I arrived at the lab around 12:20 and finally had my blood drawn a little after 1pm. The results should be ready this evening and I am expecting to have a call from the nurse by 4:30pm tonight. I was told that if I don't hear from them, I should call. An alarm is set. Otherwise, all I can do it wait. And pray. And hope that this isn't as bad as I think it is.

I went to work this morning after a very restless night of sleep. Ben knew what had happened before I even told him, which I'm actually quite thankful for. Not thankful because I wear my emotions of my sleeve a lot of times, but thankful because I didn't have to say the words. I left work at lunchtime to get my labs done and then came home and did a little more work before calling it a day. I am so thankful to have a job I can do from home and for management that allows me to do so.

And so I wait. That's all there is. It's a horrible, horrible feeling. One day I would like to have a pregnancy that doesn't start off with the diagnosis of 'miscarriage'. One that doesn't start off with the fear that I won't actually carry a baby to term. It's hard to not think I did something wrong - even though scientifically, I know I didn't. It's hard not to think I somehow deserve this - even though logically, I know I don't. It's hard not to worry that we will never have another baby - even though the chances of that are slim. My heart is breaking and I just wish I could know something ... anything ... so that I could know how to feel.

But until then ... I wait.

Scared.

2011-11-27T20:23:00.001-08:00

I woke up this morning to find that I was bleeding bright red blood. Anyone who knows anything about pregnancy knows that bright red blood is not a good thing and is often a sign of an impending miscarriage. I crawled back in bed and called the doctor at the urging of my wonderful husband. Thankfully my mom had already offered to take care of Aspen for the morning so we could sleep in again, so we didn't have to worry about her.

Thank heavens for 24 hour nurse advice lines. While I don't generally care much for doctors, I love having access to 24 hour medical advice when I'm pregnant. The nurse I spoke with said that since it had been 45 minutes since I noticed the blood, but only had a little bit of blood on the pad I had put on, I shouldn't worry too much. Also, since I wasn't having any cramping at all, it may be nothing. She gave me some reassurance and some directions on what to look out for/call back for, and told me to put my feet up for the day and wait for a call from the OB nurse tomorrow. She said they will probably want to see me this week, but to let them know if any of the other symptoms come up so that I can be seen ASAP (including today if it had been necessary).

So now we wait. I've had some very light cramping, which I know from my pregnancy with Aspen is completely normal because my uterus is growing a human. What is not normal is the fact that I am still bleeding. My only reprieve is that I haven't even soaked one pad today. Unfortunately, the blood is still bright red. At this point, I am hoping for the best, but preparing myself for the worst. I am absolutely terrified that I am losing this baby and hate knowing there isn't a single thing I can do about it. I'm trying my hardest not to think too much about it since we are just waiting, but man, it's hard not to. Thankfully I have an incredibly loving and supportive husband who is my rock, even though I know this is hard for him as well. He told me that he's a little bit mad at life and wishes we could just have a normal pregnancy for a change. I completely agree. While my pregnancy with Aspen was easy once it got started, it started out pretty rocky because of my wonky cycle and doctors who weren't willing to do much more than diagnose a miscarriage. This time, it's started off weird because of my weird cycle, but was going fine. I knew what to anticipate with my weird cycle and I was right on track. I had a couple instances of brown spotting, which I wasn't worried about, and now this.

Sigh.

Just waiting. And praying. And hoping for the best.
We'll see what happens.

Being grateful

2011-11-26T13:01:00.001-08:00

Although I try to cultivate an attitude of gratitude every day of the year, I do find the holidays to be a time where I am feeling especially grateful for the tremendous blessings in my life. Every day I am astounded by the people, things, and opportunities in my life that enrich and fulfill me in so many ways. My family is especially wonderful - that little girl of mine truly is the most amazing little girl in the world. My heart overflows with gratitude for the joy and balance she has brought/continues to bring in to my world.

My husband is patient, loving, and hard working. I know that he will do anything and everything to care for and provide for us. He puts up with me even when I don't want to put up with me and he is a true example of what it means to love someone unconditionally. I'm so grateful to have married him when I did and to know that he will be mine forever. I've said this before and I'll say it again - he is my best friend and the love of my life. There is no one better suited for me than him.

My mom and sisters are wonderful and hilarious people to surround myself with. We don't have to do anything extravagant - just playing games will do - but we always manage to have fun and enjoy each other's company.

I have in laws that I love. People who make it easy to be part of someone else's family on a regular basis and people who are invested in me not just as Brandon's wife. This is something I always hoped to find and am so grateful that I did.

The list goes on and on and on, but the point is ... I am grateful. I am grateful for today. I am grateful for every day. The life I live is absolutely phenomenal, even on the bad days. I am a woman who is truly blessed.

Thanksgiving 2011 (pictures to come later)

2011-11-26T12:43:00.001-08:00

Yet another Thanksgiving has come and gone, and what a wonderful day it was! We greatly enjoy being in Medford for the holidays - partly because we finally get to just hang out and not be running back and forth across town all the time, but also because this is where our families are and even though we love our home and life in Portland, it's always nice to come home and be surrounded by family.

Wednesday night, we arrived in Medford after a grueling 6 hour drive (traffic... ugh. We also stopped to pick up Marisa in Eugene.) and went to bed pretty quickly after we got here. We were all pretty tired!

Aspen slept until about 8am on Thursday morning, which meant I got up too. I let Brandon sleep a little bit longer because he had been in charge of driving the night before. We lounged around all morning while Mom got the turkey and all the fixings ready for the oven. We didn't do much throughout the day other than relaxing and enjoying each other. Brandon's dad came over for a little bit around lunch time. He didn't stay long because he was just coming to pick something up.

Our meal was ready right around 3:30 which, in my opinion, is the best time of the day to eat Thanksgiving dinner. Aspen, however, was still sound asleep, which meant I had to wake her up. She was pretty annoyed at me about the whole thing, but was a trooper and made it through dinner without melting down until she choked on her kale chips. A couple swift pats on the back later, she was fine, but not terribly interested in resuming her meal.

This year's feast included a delicious turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, yams with brown sugar, butter, and marshmallows (mainly for Brandon), rolls, green bean casserole, salad, and kale chips (mainly for Aspen). Even with 5 adults and a little one, we still had PLENTY of food and Mom has a fridge full of leftovers!

After dinner Mom, Brandon, Tux, Denali, Aspen, and I went for a walk around the neighborhood to help the turkey settle. Aspen was quite the pokey little thing! She is so curious (which I love) that she has to look at everything in the neighborhood. While none of us minded, the pups were not terribly thrilled with the fact that they had to stop and wait for Aspen to make her way to the front of the pack again.

Brandon's sister Caytlin came over after dinner and hung out for about an hour so that she could see us. She has to work a lot this weekend, so we weren't sure when we would get to see her otherwise. We thought we'd catch her after work this evening, but it turns out she has to work late, so it's a good thing she came over on Thursday!

Sarah's boyfriend, AJ, also came over for a couple hours. She took him home right around Aspen's bedtime.

After Aspen went to bed, Marisa taught Mom and me how to play a card game called Set. It's not HARD but it definitely requires some thinking and Mom and I were pretty brain dead by the end of the day! After that we watched a couple lame/amusing movies on Netflix and then went to bed. All in all, it was a pretty good day!

Reactions to the news

2011-11-26T00:01:00.001-08:00

It feels weird to be writing blog posts that I know won't be posted right away. Just throwing that out there. :)

It has been quite the whirlwind week! The fact that I am pregnant is starting to sink in a little bit, especially since we have told our immediate families and have been talking about it more often. It's both terrifying and exhilarating!

On Monday, I was pretty much bursting at the seams with happiness, so even though I wasn't planning to, I decided to tell my boss, Ben. He's known about everything (going off the pill, etc) for quite some time anyway, so it seemed natural to tell him that we had succeeded. That and I just could not keep it in any longer. I have no idea how long we're actually going to be able to keep this under wraps. haha Anyway, Ben has 3 kids, so he was very excited to welcome us into the "parents of multiple children" club. :)

On Tuesday I was finally able to get in touch with my doctor's office, who had me go in for blood tests to measure my hormone levels since we have no idea how far along I actually am. They are going to order an ultrasound to date the pregnancy as well. Otherwise, the nurse agreed with me (that I was probably ~4 weeks when I tested), and the results from my blood work were in line with that hypothesis as well. We have our first doctor's appt scheduled for December 16th. We're seeing a midwife (because that's who was open), and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that yet. We will likely switch to an OB after our first appt, but we'll see. I'm up for just about anything once!

We decided not to tell our families until Thanksgiving since we had the opportunity to tell them face to face this time around. With Aspen it was a lot of confusion about whether or not I was actually pregnant and then we had to tell them everything over the phone, so it was exciting to get to see their faces this time around. Everyone was really excited - Caytlin even cried! It was very sweet! Sarah and Caytlin were definitely the most excited - we're talking the hands over their mouths type of excitement. Mom, Brad, and Marisa are all excited as well. Hooray for Baby #2!

Mom, Sarah, Marisa, and I had a good time coming up with obscure names for Aspen last time I was pregnant and the game has already begun this time around. The best we could find today was Bacula. Yes, a little bit like Dracula, except the CU is emphasized. Don't worry, we aren't seriously considering it ... or are we? ;)

As heard from the backseat....

2011-11-23T21:06:00.001-08:00

"Too dark!" (Aspen hands me her book.) ... "Sun nackas?" (Sun glasses.) Keep in mind it is 9pm....

"One, two, four... Six, seben, eight."

"No! No sleeping, Nemo!"

Baby making success!

2011-11-19T20:46:00.001-08:00

Soooo... I am pregnant! Woah!

I am in a little bit of shock right now. Very excited and freaking out just a little bit! Holy smokes!

Remember how mid-October I wanted to test because I hoped I would be pregnant? Yeah, I tested ... and had a negative test. Took three more over the next three weeks with the same results and finally gave up. I hadn't had a period, but I was still throwing out negative tests so I figured my body was still just trying to regulate itself after coming off the pill. I've been waiting ... and waiting ... and waiting for my period to start, actually getting kind of annoyed that it wasn't.

Now I know why!

We had dinner (sushi, go figure.. haha) and then put in a movie. Devita and I had a pretty low key and lazy day today and Brandon has been up since 3:15am because he went duck hunting. And even though it was only 6:00, all we wanted to do was lay around and veg out. We put in Despicable Me - Aspen cuddled me the whole time - and I fell asleep about 30 minutes in because I was so warm and cozy. After the movie was over, we put Aspen to bed and Devita ran to the grocery store. I went upstairs to put on PJs and go to the bathroom and had a random thought that I should take a pregnancy test. I haven't taken one in about a week and a half and really didn't want to take another because those suckers are expensive and I was pretty tired of getting negative results. However, something told me that I should test again ... so test again I did.

Believe me when I say that I was completely shocked to look at it after washing my hands and seeing two VERY clear lines! Holy cow! That is not at all what I was expecting to see! I yelled for Brandon to come up and as he's walking up the stairs, he says, "Are you doing what I think you're doing?" He says he figured I must be since I haven't had a period in 8 weeks. Apparently my logic of randomly skipping a period wasn't good enough for him. ;)

We, of course, came down and told Devita. We are probably going to hold on to the news a little while before completely letting the cat out of the bag, but she lives with us. There's no way we could NOT tell her! :)

Um. Holy smokes! Pregnant! With a second baby! On our first try! Yikes! Our life is changing in big ways. We don't do anything halfway, that's for sure!

Occupy Portland

2011-11-18T13:36:00.000-08:00

My company just leased the suite on the 16th floor of the Bank of America building downtown and my team is one of the first three teams to move into the space. Other teams will be moving over in March. The protestors are in full swing today (N-17) to protest/occupy all the major banks. My building, of course, got occupied. This is the view from our windows about 1:35 this afternoon.

There was no violence in/around the BofA building as far as I know. By the time I left work at 5, you never would've known they were there (which is good since I needed the trains to be running on time tonight!). Apparently there were some issues at the Chase building by Pioneer Square, but again, by 5:00 there wasn't a protestor in sight. Very exciting day in the BofA building though!

Being organized.

2011-11-11T21:16:00.001-08:00

Over the last several weekends, I have been on an organizing kick. A big one. While you may not be able to tell this by looking at my house (thanks daughter!), I am quite the organizational freak. I love planners. I love lists. I love spreadsheets. I love pencil cups and mail sorters and drawer dividers. Last weekend I went to a store called THE CONTAINER STORE and thought I had gone to heaven. At that very moment I wanted to buy one of everything and come home and put everything in my home in a container, but that is beside the point.

So far I have tackled the office, the hall closet, our bathroom, Aspen's closet, and the guest room closet (which really isn't hard considering it's stacked full of boxes with my teaching supplies...). Today I tackled the pantry and the freezer in the garage. So fun! (Yes, I am a complete dweeb. I know this and you should too.)

The main need for the freezer was to get a handle on all the food that is in it. The drawer on the bottom nicely holds our fruits and vegetables, but the shelves were starting to become outrageous thanks our recent chicken purchase as well as other meat sales that I have taken advantage of. Tonight we solved our overflowing freezer problem with clear plastic bins! Lovely and a perfect fit! I have one for turkey/game (the goose/duck Brandon has been bringing home), one for beef/pork, and two for chicken. Ideally we would have room for 5 or 6 bins, but it's not going to happen since we have other food in the freezer as well.

So now our freezer is a lovely picture of organized goodness - meat of all kinds, frozen foods for the hubs, ice cream for me, jam (and more jam), pesto, bagels, bread, tortillas, yogurt, fruit (most of which I bought fresh and cut up), veggies (most of which are from our garden), and all kinds of other delicious things.

Between canning, couponing, gardening, and Brandon's new love for hunting, we have grown a pretty nice little stockpile of food over the last 9-10 months. It feels really good to know that, in the event that we needed to, we could survive on going to the grocery store for produce and dairy alone for at least a little while. Here's to hoping that it doesn't happen, of course, but it is nice to feel prepared. And organized. Let's not go too far off course here. ;)

Furry houseguest (or the weekend of dogs)

2011-11-04T22:56:00.000-07:00

Last weekend is officially being called the Weekend of Dogs. We had a furry houseguest or two or three, which meant Denali was/is happy as a clam!

The boy on the right is Buckley - he is my boss/friend's pup. Her grandmother passed away last week, so when they flew across the country to be with her family, we inherited a four legged friend for a few days. He was a joy to have around and every person in my house LOVED having an extra pup around, especially Denali!

Since the weekend, we have also brought in Devita's golden retriever, Tucker, who will be staying with us until next week when he goes off to Alaska. Devita will be here till mid December, but Tuck gets to go live with Pat earlier than that. On Monday, Mark and Tisha also brought their brittany spaniel, Newton, over to play while the rest of us enjoyed our Halloween festivities. Like I said, Denali has been in heaven!

Touched.

2011-11-04T22:44:00.000-07:00

My friend/boss sent me a facebook message last night with the following message attached. Sometimes the right people send the right words at the right time.

Last night was one of those times.

my aunt read the following poem at my grandmother's memorial that she'd picked out for the occasion years earlier. i thought of you and your dad when i heard it and wanted to share:

"All Is Well"

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.

Henry Scott Holland
1847-1918
Canon of St Paul 's Cathedral

Halloween 2011

2011-11-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

Last night was Halloween and this year we decided to actually take Aspen trick or treating. Last year neither of us were really feeling it, plus Aspen couldn't walk or eat any of the candy, so we decided to just stay in. This year we made a big to do and celebrate Hallween properly. :)
Aspen was Rainbow Fish for Halloween, a costume I decided on a LONG time ago. Last year, my mom found a "how to" for a goldfish costume, which I thought was genius. It wasn't a terribly suitable costume for a 10 month old (and I couldn't find anything orange that didn't have an OSU logo on it), so we went with the duck instead. This year, I was determined to figure out how to turn my little lady into a fish, and since Rainbow Fish is one of her favorite books right now, it was an obvious choice. :)

Her costume is a $5 navy blue t-shirt, rainbow colored cupcake wrappers (way more than I needed for $7 on etsy, but the extras are being used in a gift), and tinfoil. Done. The eyes? They are cut out of an envelope from mail we got yesterday, colored with a sharpie, and scotch taped onto her blue coat. It was SUPER easy to do and I enjoy DIY projects, so making her costume was a no brainer. Best part? Look at how stinking cute she is! :)

We had Matt, Jess, Mark, Tisha, Delaney, and Devita here. We also had the four pups - Denali, Buckley (visiting for the weekend), Tucker (Devita's golden retriever), and Newton (Mark and Tisha's brittany spaniel). Definitely a full house, but that is just how we like it!

Trick or treating was a total blast! Aspen was a little hesitant about the first house, but once she realized that she got to pick up candy out of a bucket and put it in HER bucket, she was totally sold! Surprisingly, she didn't want us to carry her bucket at all the entire night, even after it started to fill up. She walked most of the way and only wanted to be carried toward the end. She's a trooper! Halloween with a 2 year old is definitely fun! Our neighborhood was pretty awesome too! We've had our fair share of lame-o Halloweens where we didn't get any trick or treaters, but we were impressed by the number of kids out and the number of lights on. Living within a mile of three schools certainly helps. :)

At one of the houses, Mark and I took the girls up to the door and the lady who answered asked how old the girls were. Keep in mind they are only 2 weeks apart, so our answers made sense to us. Mark said they were almost 2 and I said they would be 2 in December. Pretty sure the lady thought we were the parents of twins because she started talking about her twin grandsons who were dressed up as pirates for Halloween. Nope, sorry! Nice try though. :)

At the end of our neighborhood trick or treating we let her have one piece of candy. Matt helped her pick out a reese's peanut butter cup. Good choice, kiddo!

After the trick or treating, we came home to warm up and eat. We did a potluck with appetizers. Nothing fancy, but it was a delicious treat to come home to! We love our friends and are always thrilled to congregate with good food and good conversation, so the dining room table seemed like the best place to be ... at least in my opinion. :)

Even after all of that, the night was still not over! I had promised Jaimie and Curt that we would bring the little fish by their apartment (~5 minute drive from us) to trick or treat their house. We left here around 9:15 (already over an hour past bedtime!) - Aspen was definitely a tired little bean today!

The important thing to know about Jaimie and Curt's house, at least from Aspen's perspective, is that they have a sweet little kitty named Dublin. Dublin runs. Aspen runs. Actually, Aspen chases Dublin. Forever. It's very cute, although I'm not quite sure Dublin agrees! Aspen was diving after him - crawling under tables, over chair legs, etc. Nothing was going to stop her from getting to pet the kitty! Not even her costume held her back! She just kept on running!

We stayed there chatting for a little while before finally getting Aspen home and in bed by about 10:20pm. 2 1/2 hours later than normal! Yikes! We were both grateful and guilty to be able to drop her off at daycare today. While she only consumed a single piece of candy last night, I'm quite certain the excitement of it all went straight to her head. That, of course, is the best part of all, so you won't hear me complaining! :)

Happy Halloween!

Carving pumpkins

2011-11-01T22:23:00.000-07:00

On Sunday night we finally carved our pumpkins. Unfortunately, two of them were rotten - one of them was only being used for pumpkins puree though so I was still able to use the good parts. Brandon's pumpkin, however, was completely rotten. It's really strange - we have never had that happen! Boo. Oh well. Brandon was tired from hunting and I'm not very creative anyway, so we just made one pumpkin for our family instead.

Devita was home from her excursion to Corvallis on Saturday night, so she carved her little pumpkin from her mom's house too. She decided to go all artsy on us and make an angry bird pumpkin.

Aspen was definitely more into the pumpkin carving than she was last year, but she still wasn't completely sold on the idea. She has recently learned the words "gross" and "icky", which she made sure to use liberally during the experience. She did like using a little spoon to dig in the bowl of pumpkin seeds though. We also let her pick out the design for the pumpkin and one of her favorite things right now is "polky dots" so we made sure to make a polka dot pumpkin.

(This is my boss's dog, Buckley. He's stayed the weekend with us. :))

Brandon is a genius and after hand cutting a couple of polka dots by hand, he realized that we owned an apple corer. That made the process much easier! Good thing I married him!

The look of wonder on her face when we lit the candle was absolutely priceless! She thought it was SO neat and LOVED looking at it!

Halloween sugar cookies

2011-11-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

Brandon went duck hunting with Mark on Sunday, leaving Aspen and I home by ourselves until 3:00 or so. I invited Joni and Sofia over and we had a girls day with sugar cookies, frosting, and sprinkles. It was great fun to have some adult company and the girls decorated (er ... ate) a lot of cookies!

I bought Halloween cookie cutters on clearance when I worked at Target and haven't really used them because I don't do much in terms of sugar cookies except at Christmas. This year I got to bust them out! Moons, cats, pumpkins, and ghosts.

The girls helped us cut out the first two pans of cookies, but once we put them in the oven they were off to play while I cut out the rest and we let them cool. Thankfully, sugar cookies cool pretty quickly and by the time the last batch was done baking, all of them were cool.

After the baking came the fun part - frosting! I had looked for orange food coloring on Saturday but couldn't find it. Once I gave it a little more thought, however, I realized it's probably best not to leave a bowl of food coloring and frosting where two toddlers would have access to it. Instead, I left our vanilla frosting white and Joni brought over pink and white frosting (courtesy of her 4 year old) and various pink and purple sprinkles. Very festive indeed! ;)

Sarah's 19th birthday weekend

2011-10-26T10:06:00.000-07:00

On October 14th, we went to Medford so that we could celebrate my little sister's 19th birthday (which was actually on October 11, but midweek trips aren't really in the cards). It was a quick weekend, but we celebrated adequately, and Aspen got to see her favorite people in the world - Grandma Mott, Grandpa Trask, and her aunts. We left Friday evening after Brandon got off work - I taunted Sarah by sending her a picture of her birthday gift, but wouldn't tell her what it was. :)

We picked Marisa up in Eugene and Aspen did not stop talking the entire trip! Usually she goes to sleep somewhere around her normal bedtime and stays asleep for the rest of the trip, but not this time! She talked from the moment we got in the car until the moment she finally went to bed at 12:45am. At least she was happy, but man oh man alive! She is definitely my daughter, that's for sure.

On Saturday morning, I made Sarah birthday pancakes, complete with an "S" for Sarah. :)

She opened one of her gifts from Marisa - an Obama coloring book, which she was really excited about.

Sarah and Aspen colored

and Denali ripped up wrapping paper.

Aspen had a bath and then we hung out the rest of the afternoon. We did some shopping (I finally found a pair of jeans!). Brandon went duck hunting with Mark, so he was gone for much of the day. He made it home in time for dinner though!

That evening we had a delicious dinner of roast, potatoes, green bean casserole, etc. Mom is a fantastic cook and even if I recreate her meals perfectly, it still doesn't taste just right. Must be all that extra love.

Sarah wanted a cheesecake for dessert, which was fine by us!

After dinner and cheesecake, the toys came out for everyone. Marisa and Sarah played with Sarah's Bratz and Aspen played with the ponies, which have quickly become one Aspen's new favorites.

I got Sarah a mustache sticker for her birthday, so of course Denali had to try it out.

We finished our night out with The Lion King. It's pretty much my favorite movie and Aspen has never seen it, so we let her watch 45 minutes of it or so before bed. We were all pretty tired, so it was a good way to wind down and end the day.

Happy birthday, Sar!

2011-10-24T22:06:00.001-07:00

I don't mind it at all when my sweet little girl needs an extra kiss and a few more minutes of rocking before she can finally settle down and fall asleep at night. She won't be little for long so I will soak up every minute of it I can.

What to do with 40lbs of chicken

2011-10-21T14:51:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a date with the hubs, a sharp knife, 40lbs of chicken breasts, and a vacuum sealer. Yes, I realize this sounds strange, but there are no complaints coming from this lady!

Last spring, Brandon and I found out about this website called Zaycon Foods that delivers local, fresh meat (fresh meaning never frozen) to areas around Portland. When we found out about it, it was a killer deal on chicken breasts so we snagged it up. It was a 40lb box and we weren't convinced we really needed 40lbs of chicken at one time, so we split it with Matt and Jessica. Well, we went through our half pretty quick so we decided that when the deal came around again, we would be keeping all 40lbs.

Our friend Devita is living with us for a couple months in between her PT school clinicals and she happened to be free yesterday morning, so she picked up our chicken for us. Last night, Brandon and I got to work. He took the yucky part (trimming the raw chicken breasts) while I used our fancy new food sealer to make bags and get the chicken ready for freezing. Personally, I think I got the better end of the deal.

Things Aspen has said today ...

2011-10-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

I was in the office working while Aspen was playing in the family room this morning. She walked into the office and said, "Mama, I fart." Earlier she told me she had "poopied" and when I checked and there was nothing there, I told her that she must have just farted. Apparently she picked up on the proper verbiage.

At lunch today, Brandon got out the bird scent to start training Denali to be a bird dog. Now that Brandon is gone, the dog is running around like a mad man so I told him to chill out. Now Aspen is running through the house, "Chill out, Nali. Chill out, Nali."

It's like I have a parrot or something. Oh wait, just a toddler. :)

Confessional.

2011-10-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

Confession #1- I think I am pregnant. I am tired for no particular reason. I am really tired. I am hungry in the morning, even though nothing about my smoothie/morning cup of coffee have changed. I got light headed during spin class, but felt like I wasn't working as hard as normal. Any time I ever missed a pill, I spotted that day. I haven't taken a BC pill in 5 weeks and haven't spotted once. I almost started crying while on the phone with a student today because I was so sad for him.

Confession #2- I think I am probably reading way too much into all of these things.

Confession #3- Tomorrow marks 4 weeks since the start of my period so, in theory, I could take a pregnancy test, but I am afraid to be disappointed. I promised myself I wouldn't be obsessive about this or be the one to get my hopes up every month, but it's only been one month and I already have my hopes up. Oops.

I was going to wait to test until Nov. 1, but I realized two days ago that I did my math wrong. By Nov. 1, I will be two weeks late, not one. My reason for waiting is because I wanted to actually be late before testing. Pregnancy tests are expensive and I don't want to have to take two to prove to myself that I'm not pregnant every month.

That said ... Confession #4? I kind of want to test tomorrow.

Trask family photos - October 1, 2011

2011-10-18T13:02:00.000-07:00

We had our family pictures taken on October 1 at the Cornelius Pass Roadhouse. We used Joli Photographie, who are the brother and sister in law of my manager's wife. Did you follow that? Good. :) We used them last year and were beyond thrilled with the photographs they produced and had no doubt about becoming repeat customers. We have never been repeat customers for photographers before because we always find someone better. Obviously not the case here. :)

We got a CD with 55 photos on it - I tried to choose my favorites to post on my blog ... as you can see, I accidentally chose a lot. It was way too hard to narrow it down any further than this.

It's not about the money, money, money.

2011-10-14T19:54:00.001-07:00

We are two hours into our five hour car ride and Aspen has been talking the entire time. It's really quite entertaining. :)

There is this song on the radio that she loves. I have no idea what it's called, but one of the lines in the chorus is, "It's not about the money, money, money" and Aspen repeated the "money, money, money" line on her way to daycare. Brandon was with her and said it was pretty funny. Every time we hear it now, she will repeat those words when it comes on.

Fast forward to tonight ... She actually said she wanted the "money song". As we are trying to figure out how to explain to a toddler who is strapped into her carseat that we can't just turn the radio to a particular song, guess what sing starts playing on the radio? The money song!

Thank you 95.5 for playing the perfect song at the perfect moment. Aspen was thrilled and she made sure to sing her line with tremendous enthusiasm!

Aspen's wish list

2011-10-14T14:36:00.000-07:00

This is too funny NOT to write about. These are the types of things I need to be sure I am jotting down on a regular basis, especially now that Aspen is talking non stop. :)

At lunchtime I was making a wish list for Aspen's birthday and Christmas to give to our families when we see them this weekend. I asked Aspen what she wanted and she gave me this list:
Box
Monkey
Corn
Stickers
Mac and cheese
Broccoli
Necklaces

This girl knows what she likes! :)

Some pictures of my little lady

2011-10-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

These pictures were all taken at the end of September, but they are too cute not to share. They are easily some of my favorite photos of her over the last couple of months (and I have a lot of photos!). She is such a happy little girl and it melts my hear to see her eyes light up when she smiles and laughs. Love, love, love her. That is all. :)

Adventures in food

2011-10-12T22:49:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been really into food. And not just food, but really, really good food. Mostly in the form of local produce, but other things have made the list too.

Along with this, I have been experimenting with new leafy greens that I have never had before, chard being one of them. I got this lovely bunch of red chard from Sauvie Island - locally grown = delicious, beautiful, and responsible.

We have been drinking green smoothies (fruit + greens) on a daily basis. Well, I drink them daily and Brandon drinks them several times per week. I bought some beautiful purple kale to put in tomorrow's!

Even though summer is over, I have been having a hard time giving up summer produce and have been eating a lot of bell peppers lately. Sadly, our garden didn't produce many peppers (only 2!), but there are still plenty of beautifully colored peppers to be found.

Our garden gave us one last burst of yumminess at the beginning of October. I did get a few more tomatoes today to put into another batch of salsa, but I'm quite certain that was the last of it. We squeaked out this bowl of tomatoes, our second pepper, a cucumber, and three zucchini a couple weeks ago and they were all delicious.

Our tomatoes joined this basil and fresh mozzarella from Sauvie Island to make the most incredible margharita pizza on the planet. Dough, olive oil, basil, mozzarella, tomatoes, pepper. Pure bliss. Oh man, it was heavenly.

As I already posted about, I went a little crazy with the canning this past weekend while Brandon was bird hunting. We got two boxes of apples (gala and fuji - grown in Beaverton and Portland) and a box of tomatoes (also grown in Beaverton and Portland). I'll do a more extensive post later since I have more pictures that aren't on my computer yet, but I couldn't be happier with the results. The applesauce is perfectly chunky and I could bathe in the salsa. That's how good it is. Yum.

Thankfully, Matt and Jessica let me borrow their apple peeler - this sucker made my life so much easier. I don't think I would have made it if I had peeled all those apples by hand!

Apples, water, cinnamon. That is exactly how applesauce should be in my opinion.

I also made 2 pints of pesto to freeze, plus I had enough extra basil to make pesto for dinner on Monday night. I forgot the garlic apparently, but it still turned out wonderfully.

After my first night of canning, this is what I had accomplished. I ended up with 16 quarts +1 pint of applesauce (half cinnamon, half plain), 2 pints of pesto, and 16 pints of salsa.

Needless to say, this is a delicious journey that I am thoroughly enjoying.

Oh, and did I mention how incredibly delicious that salsa is? I'm not joking, I want to eat it on everything. And bathe in it. And eat it straight from the jar.

Sauvie Island Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

Going to the Pumpkin Patch on Sauvie Island has become a Trask family tradition. We have done it three years in a row, so we figure at this point it's a real thing that we do ... not just a "hey, we did this last year so let's do it again" thing. :) This year we went on October 2nd, which is still early enough in the season for it to not be super packed.

Anyway, we love it. They have a corn maze, a hay ride out to the pumpkin patch, animals, and a farm market that always have such delicious produce and cheese. The first year we went, I looked like I was smuggling pumpkins out under my shirt because I was 7 months pregnant. Last year, we had a 10 month old. This year, we have a toddler. It's pretty crazy how much changes in a single year!

Aspen really loved the animal barn. She loved it SO much, in fact, that we had to go in three times! She especially loved the goose! She has been talking about it ever since we came home (two weeks now!).

Matt and Jessica came with us. It makes all three of us very excited to hang out with them, and Aspen especially loves her Uncle Matt. :)

This year, the corn maze was in the shape of the Portland Timbers logo. It didn't seem as hard as last year, but we also speculated that it was at least partly because we didn't have a three year old giving us directions like we did last year. Or it could just be that we got smarter. :)

After the maze, we went back to the car to feed Aspen (and Matt) before going out to pick out our pumpkins.

Since we went so early in the month, there were still plenty of fantastic pumpkins to choose from.

Thankfully, we had two boys who could carry multiple pumpkins. The Chambers picked out their two and we got three - one for Aspen and I to carve, one for Brandon to carve, and one to cut up to create pumpkin puree. Pumpkin bread is in my near future - yum!

We had a really fantastic day! Thankfully, the rain held off for most of the day. We did a little shopping at the farm market after. I practiced some restraint since we had a kitchen full of produce already and only purchased mozzarella, basil, and some chipotle cheese curds for Brandon. I love fall!

Addicted.

2011-10-08T14:11:00.000-07:00

Alright, it is time I admit this.

I am completely addicted making food from scratch. Last year I made Aspen's baby food and never once tired of it. This year I spent my summer picking berries, making jam, freezing fresh fruit and veggies, and growing our garden. Yesterday afternoon I went to a local farm and picked out 2 boxes (~40+ pounds) of apples and a whole lot of tomatoes for salsa.

Last night I canned 8 quarts of applesauce and 2 pints of pesto. I've got another 4 quarts going right now and will have at least 4 more before I run out of apples. I'm going to be a chopping fool tonight to make some delicious salsa.

It is such a satisfying task - preparing food. This goes for grocery shopping, produce picking, dinner making, canning, prepping fruit for the freezer, etc. I really think I could stand in the kitchen and do it all day and never wish for something else.

Anyone who knew me growing up knows that this is not what I thought I'd be interested in as an adult. Canning, farming, etc were never on my list of things to do. Now that I've started doing them though? I'm totally hooked and wish I had more time!

It looks like we'll wind up with ~16 quarts of applesauce from this batch, which I'm guessing will last about 8 months. We can go through a quart of applesauce in a week, but variety is the spice of life, so I like to mix up snacks/parts of Aspen's meal as much as she'll let me. The good news is that I could probably make another 4-8 quarts and that would be enough to last us for the rest of the year (assuming we don't cook or bake with it of course). Now THAT is satisfying! Especially since I got a killer deal on my produce yesterday thanks to livingsocial.com and sharingspree.com :)

I had a $20 gift certificate to the farm and another $20 to Whole Foods (where I bought onions, jalepenos, etc). Because of that, I only spent $25 at the farm (on $45 worth of produce) and $13 at Whole Foods (which included a loaf of delicious bread and brie.. yum). Needless to say, I am quite pleased. :) And since I bought the gift cards last month, I only have to deduct the out of pocket costs from our spending from this month! Yahoo! :)

Alright, this has probably been a really boring post to read, so I will end it now. That aside, I need to figure out how to make a living out of making applesauce and jam. :)

On my own

2011-10-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

Brandon just left to go duck and goose hunting for the weekend, which means Aspen, Denali, and I are on our own this weekend! This hasn't happened in I don't even know how long and although I will miss the hubs, I am actually kind of looking forward to our separate weekends. Don't get me wrong - I will be beyond excited for him to come home on Sunday evening, but I also believe it's good for spouses to have separate experiences. :) That, and the fact that he is going hunting means that my freezer is going to be filled with some delicious birds on Sunday night! (And we all know how much I love to fill my freezer with delicious and fresh food!)

So, what's on the calendar for this weekend for the little miss and me? Well, we are starting out with a much needed afternoon nap for Aspen. She didn't sleep well last night and has been fighting sleep all morning, so she's pretty delirious. It's quite funny, but she definitely needs sleep. :) So I'm going to catch up on blogging for the next couple hours (you've been warned! That means posts are coming...). :)

This afternoon we are going to see if we can find some geese to feed since Aspen is pretty much obsessed with geese this week. We are also going to go shopping in hopes of finding a rain jacket for Aspen and we are going to stop by a farm in Beaverton to pick up about 30lbs of apples. Why 30lbs? Because I have a VERY exciting night planned - I'm canning applesauce! Very much looking forward to having fresh applesauce at my disposal all year. I've been planning to do it all summer, but originally I was thinking about going to Hood River to pick apples. That, however, is probably more work than I have time for this year, so instead we are picking up some pesticide/chemical fertilizer free apples for a killer price from a local farm.

Tomorrow we are having breakfast at a pancake house in Beaverton with my friend Jaimie, who is absolutely lovely. She recently got hired at my work after she and her boyfriend moved out here from the midwest. We became fast friends, so breakfast should be fun.

At some point, my good friend Joni and I are likely taking the girls to get cupcakes tomorrow. Then on Sunday we are having breakfast with Matt and Jessica, two of our best friends. Needless to say, I am pretty busy given the fact that my husband is out of town! :) All the time in between will be spent soaking up some quality time with my little girl. :) Should be a good weekend all the way around!

I would just like to point out...

2011-10-05T16:14:00.001-07:00

Aspen is on bowl of cereal number 5 for today. That's right ... number FIVE! All with milk too. Because you can't have a bowl of cereal without the proper ratio of milk. :)

Talkative toddler

2011-10-04T11:09:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks have been kind of weird in terms of Aspen's schedule. She got a stomach bug that lasted from the Saturday before last (Sept 24th) through last Monday (the 26th). After that, she was still a little low energy and still not eating a ton, but she was at least done with the gross part of being sick. THEN, after her health returned to normal, it became evident that she was going through a major growth spurt - we're talking crabby toddler, sleepy toddler, eating like a monster toddler. The works! She slept until 10am on Saturday and past 9:30am on Sunday! Plus naps!

However, now that Aspen is back to 100%, she has been talking NON STOP! I'm not kidding, she has been talking away since Sunday afternoon! In fact, when we put her to bed on Sunday night, she was still talking in her crib for another 20-30 minutes before finally settling down and going to sleep.

We went to the corn maze/pumpkin patch on Suavie Island on Sunday (new post coming) and had a total blast! This is the third year in a row that we've been, so it's officially a Trask family tradition and not just something we happen to do. :) We went through the maze, took a hay ride to the pumpkin patch and picked out pumpkins, wandered through the farmer's market, and looked at the animals in the animal barn (multiple times... thanks, Aspen!).

Aspen's favorite part was the animal barn, hands down. She is still talking about the goose that was there. That's mainly what she has been talking about since Sunday. It's so fun to listen to her talk all the time, although it is definitely enough to make our heads spin! My favorite part is her goose sound and the way she says "goose". I have a video on my phone that I will upload in a little bit. My goal is is to make sure I take a lot of videos and not just pictures so that I can capture the way her voice and actions change over time - especially for the funny things like her animal noises. ;)

Anyway, the point of this is that Aspen is talking like crazy and our ears are tired in the best possible way. Having a kiddo is so much fun. :)

Back on track

2011-09-28T14:05:00.000-07:00

Or should I say, "back on the treadmill"?

Either way, I am running again - 4x since last Sunday + 1 Monday night spin class. It would have been 2 spin classes, but I forgot my socks and thus did not stay at the gym. I started the Couch to 5k program over again, and finished up Week 2 Day 1 last night. The program is designed for three walk/runs per week, starting off gradual and working up to running a 5k and/or 30 min with no breaks.

Week 1 was 60 seconds of running followed by 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes + a 5 minute warmup. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that, even though I've been slacking with my gym routine (in other words, it has been non existent), I was able to start out the program faster than I finished it last December before my 10k. Progress! I actually upped my speed every day and ended up running at a 4.8 on the treadmill for my 60 second intervals.

Week 2 is three workouts of 90 seconds running/2 minutes walking for 20 minutes + a 5 minute warm up. I pushed myself to run at a 5.0 last night and actually think I could get myself to a 5.5 with a little effort. We'll see though! The workouts progressively get harder each week, so I want to be at a pace that is sustainable.

I forgot how great it feels to be running and how much I truly enjoy it. On top of that, I always feel so strong while I'm running and there is really nothing better than that!

With my running, Jessica and I are also spinning on Monday nights in a class that kicks my butt. It's amazing! It has been a couple years since I've taken a spin class and as I got started with it a few weeks ago, I suddenly realized that spinning is the best and worst hour of my life ... but it is unbelievably addicting and satisfying! I walk out of there drenched in sweat with legs that feel like jello and am pretty sure I've never felt better in my life! Jess, Caitlan and I have also been walking on Wednesday nights all summer - although I don't think the three of us have ever done it together. I feel like it's always been me and one of them. Tonight, though, I'll get to see them both, which I'm pretty excited about!

So there you have it - I'm back on track and it feels fantastic. :)

Change of routine

2011-09-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

It was really weird to not take my birth control this morning.

That is all.

I guess this makes it official!

2011-09-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

I threw out my birth control package tonight. 5 days early, actually. We realized that, at this point, there is really no reason for me to finish it because it's is highly unlikely that I would actually manage to get pregnant between now and when my period starts. And if I do, that's what we're going for anyway, so it wouldn't be a bad thing anyway! It is a little weird to say that we are officially trying to have a baby! Yikes!

Brandon's new job

2011-09-16T23:53:00.000-07:00

So back in August I announced that Brandon had left his job at CDI/Intel - well, he is officially done with his first week on the job. These pictures are from the night he was offered the job at Willamette Dental. We went out to dinner at Olive Garden (fancy, I know) and I bought treats to celebrate. I bought a delicious lemon bar and a killer caramel brownie for the two of us, but couldn't leave Aspen out. She got her very own chocolate covered strawberry! It was pretty hilarious to watch her eat it. :)

Chris and Annie come to visit

2011-09-16T15:52:00.000-07:00

Right before Labor Day weekend, I got some of the best news I have received in a really long time - Chris and Annie (one of my oldest friends in the world) were going to be in Portland for a couple days the following week! We immediately made sure our calendar was clear (which has been strangely difficult to do lately) and made plans for Thursday evening!

Because they live in Provo, we only get to see each other on the rare occasion that we happen to be in the same place at the same time. Luckily, Chris managed to get a week off, so they decided to come to Oregon. The last time Annie and I saw each other was late August/early September LAST year, so it was great to have them!

They were nice enough to pick me up from work on Thursday evening and then we drove out to Hillsboro so I could cook them dinner and so that the 6 of us could hang out. In order to fully enjoy two toddlers, I think a house is preferred over a restaurant. Plus, I love entertaining and having people over brings me great joy. It was a win win situation. :)

James is about 2 weeks older than Aspen and they got along perfectly! It's so crazy to see how much they have grown up and changed in the last year, but it's really fun to see them play together. :) Aspen is a total mess after coming home from a busy day at daycare, but that's ok! :)

Getting two toddlers to sit still for a picture is harder than you would think.

James and Denali became fast friends. James was practically begging Denali to give him kisses and Denali was happy to oblige!

It's so great to have old friends come around. There is something so wonderful in knowing that no matter how many weeks pass, our time together is going to be full of laughter, catching up, and going on as if we lived next door to each other. Now ... if only we could get them to live next door!

Aspen was kind enough to show James her new trick - opening the baby gate by herself. Hm. Apparently she is too smart for us!

At the end of the night, we said our good-byes and wished we could say we knew when we'd be able to get together again. Sadly, we don't actually know when we will see them again, but whenever it is ... we'll be looking forward to it!

Aunt Marisa comes to visit

2011-09-16T15:37:00.000-07:00

When we got home from camping, we only a couple of hours before my sister arrived in Portland. She was flying to MN the following day, so she spent Monday night with us. It's always great to have visitors!

Aspen was less than thrilled with the fact that she had to have a bath, but she was a ball of dirt, so it was non-negotiable. It also didn't stop Marisa and I from giving her some pretty awesome hairstyles. :)

It was a pretty low key evening since Brandon and I were pooped from the weekend. We had leftover camping food for dinner and mainly just let Marisa play with Aspen all evening.

She was kind enough to stay home with Aspen after we put her to bed so that we could go see a movie. It was a really generous offer that we promptly took full advantage of! We had recently purchased a groupon for the new luxury movie theater in Beaverton, Cinetopia, so off we went! Not only did we get a spontaneous date, but we also went to a 10:00 movie! It was pretty unreal. I don't even remember the last time we left the house together at 9:30pm! It was like we were teenagers again! Even though we were pretty tired, we really enjoyed the movie and our night out. :)

Camping at Clear Lake - September 3-5

2011-09-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

For Labor Day weekend, we went camping with Matt and Jessica at Clear Lake up Mt. Hood. It was a fantastic weekend away in the woods, despite a crabby baby, a wussy dog, and not enough sleep.

Because of traffic, Brandon not getting off until 5, and simply wanting one extra quiet evening at home, we decided not to go up until Saturday. This meant we could spend Friday evening at home, packing and just having a quiet night. Saturday morning we woke up, got ready, and we were out the door by 10am. It took about 2 hours to drive up to the campground - the drive was gorgeous and so was the weather!

On Saturday, we played in the lake

played in boats with Jamie and Brad

got really dirty

and hung out by the fire.

It was a really gorgeous day! Aspen loved every minute of her life on Saturday. At least until about 11pm ... she woke up and had a hard time going back to sleep and ended up keeping us up most of the night wiggling, talking, and being a general pill of a child. We love her anyway. :)

Sunday was for hiking to Little ZigZag Falls (which Aspen loved! We told her we were going hiking and she proceeded to RUN up the .35 mile trail saying "hike-ing!" over and over again. VERY cute!)

Sunday also brought some gorgeous views of Mt. Hood,

more playing in the lake,

more playing in the boats,

bubbles,

reading/lounging,

more relaxing around the fire,

crawdad catching,

and crawdad cooking and eating. On Saturday night, Jess and I talked to some other people who were out catching crawdads in the lake, which gave Brandon and Jamison (Jessica's brother) the idea to do too. They boiled them and they actually weren't too bad tasting! Nothing like fresh seafood! ;)

Aspen slept better on Sunday night, thankfully! We all needed the better sleep!

On Monday, we ended up leaving camp around 12:30 in the afternoon. Before we packed up, we played in the pack and play,

had man talk by the lake,

played in the boats again,

and had a delicious breakfast. Brandon and I also went for a tahiti ride by ourselves while everyone watched Aspen and Denali for us. It was really nice to have 20-30 minutes of quiet, uninterrupted time with my husband! We were out in the middle of the lake completely undisturbed, which is not something we can usually say about our time together. It was a really good weekend, that's for sure!

Unsure.

2011-09-12T02:34:00.000-07:00

It has now been a solid 2 weeks since my last good night of sleep because of this horrible sleep regression Aspen is going through. It's grating on both of us.

I know it was "officially" decided yesterday that we are going to start trying for a second baby in a few weeks, but knowing what I am getting into leaves me really unsure about our decision, especially right now ... it's 2:30 in the morning and Aspen has been awake for over an hour. My alarm is going off in 3 hours and I am completely exhausted. The thought of having to do this x2 is nerve wracking and I just am not sure I am strong enough to handle it. I don't do well with no sleep and these sleep regressions are really hard for me. Brandon handles the lack of sleep better than I do, but I know he is exhausted too. He just doesn't break down as easily as I do.

I love Aspen more than life itself, but it is really hard for me to remember why I want another child at 2:30 in the morning when she is laying in her bed screaming. I feel like a horrible, horrible mother for thinking that ... even worse for actually typing it. It is hard to remember why I would want to do this again knowing just how hard it is.

Parenting is really hard. All I can do at this point is pray for patience for that little life that depends on me for everything. I love her to death, but sometimes I just don't feel strong enough.

This is one of those times.

The big decision

2011-09-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

Well, we have officially made our decision ...

I have two weeks left of birth control and we are not refilling the prescription. That means, in two weeks, we will officially be trying to create Baby Trask v2.0. Yikes!

We have been talking about it for a few months now, going back and forth about what we wanted to do. As of this afternoon, we came to the conclusion that now is as good of a time as any! We are both scared, nervous, excited, and confident in our decision.

So ... there you have it. We have talked with our parents and a few friends about our decision, but we're definitely not ready to share the news with the world. We aren't going to be charting or anything, so we really don't want the pressure. Also, part of me is pretty afraid that we'll have a hard time getting pregnant this time around, so it will make me feel better about things to not have the whole world know that I'm off birth control.

That being said, this blog will eventually be posted as a post instead of a draft ... but that too will come in its own time. :)

Visits galore!

2011-09-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

The month of August brought many visitors our way! Mom and Sarah came to stay the first weekend when Brandon and I went to Boise for Gordon and Erica's wedding. After that, we had a few other dear friends over. There is not much more I appreciate more than time with good friends - these three are, in particular, three of the best ladies I know.Jaymee came over for dinner one night after work. Jaymee is one of my best friends from work (although she quit several months ago). We started together in 2009 when I was still pregnant with Aspen. Now we're just regular friends instead of work friends. :)Dayna came down to Portland one weekend too, which was amazing! She is a really close friend from college - we traversed Europe together. It's been an incredibly long time since we've been able to get together, so I was thrilled when she said she was coming to Portland and would have time to come visit! We got to spend the afternoon together catching up and dishing on life. If only Seattle and Portland weren't so far away from each other! Or maybe if life wasn't so busy, since that seems to be the bigger problem.
Our last visitor was at the end of the month - Amanda, one of my best friends from high school, was in town (from Ohio!) for a friend's wedding. We haven't seen her in a while either because she was living in South Carolina and recently moved to Ohio to finish her pharmacy residency. Aspen was a bit of a terror the night we had her over, but it was still good to have some face to face time with one of my oldest friends. We go back as far as the sixth grade, which is about as far back as I go with close friends at this point in my life.

As you can see, reading is the way to win over my daughter. She still has some reservations with some people (not all), especially those she barely knows. I am such a blessed woman to have such a lovely daughter and such close friends. They don't all live nearby, which makes the time we actually have together that much sweeter.

Potty!

2011-09-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

We are not ready to potty train just yet, but Aspen is definitely loving the potty. Pretty much every time we change her diaper, she wants to sit on it for as long as she wants. It's a much shorter amount of time than it used to be, but it is still something. It's pretty cute how much she loves the grossest item in our house.

Spending a Sunday in Seaside

2011-09-07T22:08:00.000-07:00

On August 28th we went out to Seaside with Matt and Jessica. We figured we wouldn't have very many nice weekends left that weren't already booked with other plans, so we headed out to the beach. Imagine our surprise when we got there to find it 68 and overcast. Hm. Oh well! It was still a really great day!When we got to town, we walked up and down the main street in downtown looking at all the little shops and enjoying the sites. We also took Aspen on her first carousel ride, which she loved until about halfway through. At that point I had to take her off the horse and hold her for the rest of the ride. I'm not sure if it was the up and down the horse or the spinning that freaked her out, but that's ok! We had wanted to take her when we went to the fair in July, but it was WAY too expensive.Other notable moments from the strip were the bumper cars, the tilt-o-wheel, and the old time candy shop where Jessica won a bag of taffy! Nice work! I wasn't so lucky and instead bought my weight in my favorite salt water treat. The beach is conveniently located at the end of the street we were walking up, so we played on the beach for a couple hours. There was a nice little wading pool that had built up for Aspen to play in, and although we did go down to the surf, we mainly spent our afternoon by the wading pool. She had a great time!Only problem? I completely forgot to bring extra clothes for Aspen, so she had to walk back to the car in a jacket, shoes, and a diaper. Oops! It was pretty cute watching her walk around half naked though. It also meant we got to go shopping at the Carter's outlet. The boys sent Jess and I in to pick out one outfit. One. In the Carter's outlet. Are you kidding? That was the hardest decision of my life! I ended up getting a pair of PJs, a pair of pants, and two shirts. Not bad. :) After we left Seaside, we drove about 15 minutes south and had dinner at Moe's in Cannon Beach. Moe's is my all time favorite Oregon coast restaurant. The clam chowder really is to die for! Over all, it was a fantastic day!

Gales Creek Camping: August 19-21

2011-08-27T16:48:00.001-07:00

The weekend after our anniversary we got to go camping with some of our friends at a campground about 1/2 hour from our house. It was Aspen's first time camping, so we were glad to have been able to find a place so close to home! We went with two other couples, Caitlan & Paul and Jeremy & Joni, who also brought their daughter Sofia on her first camping trip. She is 2 years older than Aspen and they are pretty much best buddies. It's super cute. We went to Gales Creek Campground in the Tillamook State Forest. We got there mid afternoon on Friday, and after a short debacle over campsites, we ended up with a great site really close to the creek. We had been told that we could pay for a site but not stay in it the first night - turns out that isn't true. We had planned to have two sites for the 8 of us, but ended up with one. It worked out really well though - we saved a bunch of money and didn't have to worry about having our things spread out between two sites! We spent the weekend eating, playing in the creek, watching the kids play, and just generally relaxing in the woods. It was absolutely lovely! Aspen did great! She loved playing in the dirt, being dirty in general, drinking out of the water bottles, sitting in her "baby chair" (what she calls her camping chair), playing with Sofia, playing in the tent and the creek, etc. Sleeping was a bit of a challenge the first night, but she ended up sleeping on her pack and play mat in between our air mattresses. The second night was even better! We did bust out the pacifier at night since she was in a new place and new environment. We put her to bed without it, but once she woke up at night, it helped her go back to sleep. The best part was that on Sunday morning it took us longer to clean up than to drive home. We will definitely be camping there again. :)

A big turn of events in the Trask household!

2011-08-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

Brandon has officially put in his two weeks notice with CDI, his current company. He is leaving his work as an Intel contractor and putting his skills to good use with Willamette Dental, a company that provides dental care/insurance in the pacific northwest.

Not only will he be moving to a position where he'll actually have work to do on a daily basis, but he will be able to start putting his skills to good use and actually learn some new things along the way. It is more of the type of work environment he needs to thrive, which is also going to be a great change.

Financially, this is an amazing opportunity as well! He is getting a HUGE raise (think double digits!), plus dental insurance will be completely paid for by the company for all of us. His health insurance will be dramatically cheaper and he'll start off with two weeks PTO. This is absolutely a step in the right direction when it comes to moving toward the lifestyle we want to live with our family.

Way to go, babe! So, so, SO tremendously proud of you!

!!!!!!

2011-08-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day - such a good day that I can only summarize it with several exclamation marks!!! Hence the title of this post. :)

There will be a reveal within the next couple of days (and no, I promise I'm not pregnant), but I can't blog about the changes just yet.

So until then, I should just say that I am always proud to be Brandon's wife - but today, I am even more proud. Love you, babe!

And in case my excitement isn't being properly portrayed ... here are a few more exclamation marks, just for good measure. :) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anniversary celebration

2011-08-19T23:56:00.000-07:00

For our anniversary this year, we went to dinner at Departure, which is the restaurant on the top of the Nines Hotel in downtown Portland. Brandon planned the entire thing and surprised me entirely! Until we walked in the door, I had no idea where we were going. What a delightful evening and a fantastic way to spend some quality time with the hubs and the amazing man I married! Dinner is set up to be a tapas style restaurant with modern Asian cuisine, so we got to sample a lot of delectable foods before settling on dessert. Some of what we ate is pictured below. :)

Brandon ordered flowers and had them delivered to our table when we sat down. :)

Shitake mushroom sushi

Crispy pork belly (by far, our favorite dish of the night)

A spicy shrimp dish. It was delightful!

A coffee chocolate tart for dessert - on the house, which made it even better. :)

Sigh.

2011-08-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

Everyone who knows me knows how badly I want to get back to teaching. It's not a secret and it's never been a surprise. Teaching is the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my professional life.

Today I got an email saying my Oregon teaching license has finally been issued.
I also got the call that I didn't get the job I interviewed for on Monday.

First interview in 2 years, and even though it went really well, it just didn't work out.
Sigh.

My little maid.

2011-08-17T16:12:00.000-07:00

Aspen just spit (yes, spit) water on the floor in the living room. She then proceeded to run off to the kitchen saying, "towel, towel, towel," and came running back in with a towel. Next step? Mopping up the water off the floor.

Immediately after that, she went and picked up all the tupperware off the kitchen floor that she had thrown out of the cabinet earlier this afternoon.

Best part? The only thing I told her was to not spit on the floor. :)

Sometimes having a toddler isn't so bad after all.

4 years

2011-08-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

8 years ago, we met and fell in love.
4 years ago, we promised to love each other forever.

Every day is better than the last.
I love you, Brandon!

I love you.

2011-08-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

As of last night, Aspen can be coached to say the most beautiful phrase I've ever heard - "I love you."

My life is now complete. (Though perhaps it will be even more complete when she says it without being coached. ;))

Motherhood really is the sweetest thing there is.

2011-08-14T10:16:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was a particularly long and stressful day with the little one. You know - one of those days when you can't wait for bedtime so that you can have just one second of peace and quiet. I should give yesterday a little credit though - it started off wonderfully with a laughing toddler and a long walk to the park. The afternoon was the stressful part where we battled one meltdown after another, with all of our fuses running short by the evening.

Today, however, we were graced with the same laughing toddler from yesterday morning. She woke up full of delightful energy, which allowed all of us to put yesterday behind us. And after a late breakfast of oatmeal and nectarines, I was reminded just how sweet motherhood really is as I rocked her slowly and read From Head to Toe by Eric Carle before tucking her in for a nap. That little lady never ceases to amaze me.

Yesterday was hard. Yesterday was sort of a nightmare.
Today is better. Today I can breathe in the wonder that is my rapidly growing toddler. Today I can enjoy the little moments and hold on to them as they pass. Today is a better day.

Baby talk

2011-08-08T20:33:00.000-07:00

Brandon and I have been talking about having a second baby, which is something we haven't told anyone yet. That means this is a post that won't actually become a post for a while. But because this is my family journal, it does not mean this post will not exist.

We are thinking about pulling the goalie, so to speak, in October. That is not very far away. We haven't decided for sure yet - we both still have our owns worries about adding another child to our mix. His are mainly around time and money. Mine are whether or not I will be able to love two children with the same wholeheartedness that I love our lovely little one right now. Every time I say it, it sounds really ridiculous, but I am honestly afraid that baby number two won't get as much love as Aspen, and that Aspen won't continue to be loved as much as she is. I just don't know how my heart could hold anymore love. That being said, prior to giving birth to Aspen, I had no concept of how full my heart could be, so I recognize the fact that my fear is irrational.

Brandon's worries are completely rational though, so we are trying to prepare. We know how expensive babies are, and having a second one will make our bills that much tighter, so we need to do a lot of number crunching before deciding one way or the other. We want to make sure we are bringing this baby into a good financial situation.

The thought of another baby in our home, albeit scary, is also incredibly exciting. Aspen is a continual source of love and joy in our home, and has done our family a lot of good. Being able to double that would be a tremendous blessing ... not to mention the fact that there is something wonderfully miraculous about two people creating a life and being able to bring that life into the world.

So we will see. We have only been talking for a week or two, so we are under no pressure to decide and know that there is no rush. We need to make sure we are making the right decision for our family, our marriage, and our finances. I guess only time will tell!

Photographs are our way of holding on to the things we never want to forget.

2011-07-28T17:51:00.001-07:00

I'm on the max on the way home right now (hooray for technology that puts blogging at my fingertips), and I noticed the pictures of Portland public transit circa 1900 that are hanging in my car. It git me thinking about the importance of photographs. This is especially on my mind since today is my dad's birthday.

The reason pictures are important is because things change. People change. Places change. And while I generally believe that change is a good thing, I also believe that it happens far too quickly sometimes. In the grand scheme of things, a year isn't that long. But without pictures or some other form of documentation, how can we possibly remember the details? I mean heck, I can't even remember the basics of what I was doing last year, let alone the small things.

Pictures allow me to clearly remember how small Aspen really was. They afford me the chance to remember how happy Brandon and I were on our wedding day. Today, however I am grateful to be able to remember the glint in my dad's eye when he was laughing. It's been 13 months and 2 days since he was taken from me, and while some memories will require me to fight to hold on to them, I am grateful that this is not one of them.

Let your soul stand ajar, always ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.

2011-07-27T08:48:00.000-07:00

It should come as no surprise that I am completely in love with my child. Besides marrying Brandon, she is the best thing I have ever been responsible for and I feel so blessed to be her mama. Part of the reason I took a week off at the beginning of this month is because, for several months now, all I have wanted to do is have more time to do the things I love doing with my little girl who is growing up way too fast.

Since quitting my job and living on Brandon's income isn't currently an option, we decided that what we could afford was for me to take a week off work and hang out with Aspen. After talking with my boss, we decided the best time for a week away from work would be the week of the 4th when we happened to already have a couple vacation days anyway. After scheduling it, Brandon and I realized that it also happened to coincide with the week Aspen's daycare was closed as well - perfect timing!

So I took the week off. I spent my days with Aspen coloring, swinging, picking produce at a local berry farm and from our backyard, playing outside, swimming, going on walks to the park, and really being blissfully happy. We didn't do anything monumental or even anything that was out of the ordinary, but it was one of the best weeks I've had in a long time. While I am happy with the life Brandon and I have built, I often feel like I don't have as much time as I'd like to invest in the things I really love. Sure, we can go on a walk after work ... but after work we also have to feed and bathe Aspen, make dinner, etc. There is always something else to do. The great thing about my week off is that there WASN'T anything else that had to be done because for once in a long time, I've actually had time to do it all. More importantly, I had the chance to hang out with my kid and really enjoy her company and appreciate her for all the hilarious things she does.

On being a financially responsible adult.

2011-07-23T16:22:00.000-07:00

Since the end of March when we finally paid off our credit card debt, we have been doing our very best to be financially responsible. It has come in the form of couponing (and therefore stockpiling certain items when I can get them for SUPER cheap and/or free), budgeting, meticulously tracking our spending, and being more conservative about our choices when it comes to eating out. It's not that we really ate out much beforehand, but when you aren't making a conscious choice to only walk down to Starbucks once (or not at all) during the week, it can get pretty easy to do it too often. Likewise, when you aren't tracking your spending, it can get really easy to start overspending by $10 this week or $50 next week, and before you know it, you're back to where you started - the land of credit card debt.

We still use our credit card, don't get me wrong. We actually use it all the time. Part of this is because we have an American Express that earns us miles that we use for things like restaurant gift cards. (The only place we really fly to is Fresno, and direct flights are conveniently not offered as eligible flights...) Last Christmas, we got 2 or 3 nice Christmas gifts with our AmEx points, which saved us money as well. We don't spend just to earn the miles (the exchange rate isn't that good), but we figure if we're going to be spending, we might as well get some kind of reward for it. Hence using the credit card over our debit card.

Also, we are by no means experts on credit scores ... however, we do know that in order to improve your credit score, you actually have to use your credit. For this reason we've opted not to cancel our cards (which can actually have a negative impact on your score); this is also the reason we've opted not to operate on a cash-only budget. (We also hate carrying cash.) Of course, we know that it's much easier to overspend with credit than with cash or even a debit card, and so we track. And track. And track some more. Boring? Probably. But I've created a snazzy google docs excel spreadsheet that does all the math for us. (This is me coming out of the closet as a google docs geek.)

In the meantime, we've been consumer debt free for four months and have managed to save money each month. The first couple months, we only saved part of what we planned because we didn't budget well enough. That's the honest truth. The last two months, however, have been better and we have managed to put away the amount we planned on, if not more than we planned for.

We still have debt for our cars, student loans, and Aspen's delivery ... oh, and our house. Don't forget about that bill we picked up. However, it's all worthwhile and our interest rates rock because we've always been financially responsible. While we will be paying back my student loans forever, my degrees (and soon to be ESL endorsement) are worthwhile investments that will, over time, pay us back in big ways. Most school districts do a BA + a certain number of credits pay scale, and all districts pay more for teachers who have master's degrees. While I will never be bringing in millions as a teacher, any increase makes benefits our family. Sure, I could've gone to cheaper schools ... or worked insane hours to make tuition payments every month ... I don't regret my choice to use student loans and loved every minute of my educational experiences.

More than anything though, I am glad that we are living within our means so that we can put more focus on being together as a family. I'll be honest, I stress out about money much less often now that I know we'll be able to zero out our credit card every month. I feel good that we are able to set this standard for Aspen and that we were able to get (and keep) our finances under control while she was so young. My parents always stressed the importance of frugality and savings, and it's something that I am proud to have brought to our marriage. Having a savings account is something I'll never compromise - even in college I made sure to have at least a few hundred dollars in the bank for backup. The only time I completely emptied it was when I went to England, but as soon as I got home and back to work, I started building that baby back up! It's a good feeling - a secure feeling. And it's good to know that, in the event that we would actually need to, we could live off our savings account for a little while.

It feels really grown up to know that we both have retirement accounts (with a decent amount of money in them considering we're only 24 and 25), that Aspen has a college savings account, that we have a growing savings account, and that we're credit card debt free. While I sometimes cringe at feeling too grown up at 25, our financial freedom is something I'm beyond satisfied with! We had to work hard for it, but I'm glad it came when it did!

Now ... if only we could be gifted enough money to pay off my student loans.... ;)

19 months and 3 days

2011-07-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

I started a post about Aspen's 18 month mark thinking I'd get back to it before we made it to month 19. That didn't happen (obviously) and since so much as changed in the last month (she's growing like a weed!) I thought I'd go ahead and just start something new. :)

Our little lady is officially nineteen months old (+3 days), and I am honestly not sure how we got here! The months fly by! I feel like we just celebrated her first birthday and now we are on the downward slope to her second birthday! Give a mom a headache just thinking about it. (In fact, Brandon and I were discussing how we will have an almost 6 year old by the time we go to his 10 year high school reunion ... now THAT made us feel old!)

Anyway, now that I am finished with my rant about how fast my little munchkin is growing, here is the real post.

The big thing around our house right now is learning to speak, which is SO fun for us! It is amazing to hear her use a word in context or to say it for the first time. My favorite is when she exclaims the word while pointing to the object - you should see the excitement on her face when she realizes that she can say something new! Here are some of the words she can use correctly --

Wah wah (water)
Ah dah (outside)
Ba ba (bottle)
Mik (milk)
Nana (banana)
Sock
Fsh (fish)
Monkey
Bir (bird)
Ree (read)
Wee (swing) - also used for general sounds of merriment
Nigh-nigh
Peas (please)
More
All done
Puppy/doggy
Mama/mommy
Dada/daddy
Tux
Grandma (she's only said it a few times, but it was totally unprompted and in context)
Uh oh
Bye bye
Car
Truck
Baby
Blankey
Lovey
Duckey
Baby
Cracker
Up
Shoes
Ball
Nemo (her fav)
Tree
Frah (frog)
Suruh (Sarah)
Matt (her psuedo-uncle)
No (our least favorite)
Book

This list is definitely not comprehensive! We are so impressed with her speaking - she's always been a chatterbox; even when she was a newborn she was babbling and gurgling away. She must take after her dad ... I'm certainly not a talker ... ;)

She can also sign please, thank you, more, all done, read, wait, and eat. When she signs thank you, she usually says something along the lines of "dank du".

Aspen is pretty good at getting coached to say works - bucket, basket, etc. She is also really good at yelling, screeching, screaming, and throwing tantrums when she can't figure out how to communicate what she wants. Really though, what toddler isn't?

We've been trying to teach her all the animal sounds since they are so fun to hear her say. She knows sounds for monkeys, cats, dogs, horses, sheep, elephants, pigs, chickens, birds, and ducks. The cutest ones are the monkey sound and the elephant sound. :)

Every day, we are impressed by how smart and funny our little girl is. She can find just about anything we ask for and she loves to help out with chores! Already she is usually willing to help us clean up her boys/books/etc, and she almost always picks up whatever she knocks (throws) on the floor.

One of Aspen's favorite things ever is to read. She loves being read to, reading by herself, and reading to her Lovey. We also bought her a Nemo stuffed animal yesterday (which means we are the best parents ever according to her), and yesterday evening she sat on the kitchen floor and read Nemo a book. So cute! I feel blessed to have a little girl who loves books without any coaching - books were always a love of ours as children and it's nice to see it being mirrored in our daughter.

She also lives to be outside. From the minute she wakes up to the minute she goes to bed, she wants to be outside. Her favorite outside activities include playing with the water in her swimming pool or the water that comes out of the faucets outside, chasing her ball around, and riding in her wagon. If we don't want to give her a ride, she'll also pull/push it herself, which is pretty funny to see.

As far as eating goes, we've got ourselves a champion! This girl LOVES her fruits and veggies (thank goodness), and will consistently eat things like broccoli (which she can almost say), green beans, hummus, bell peppers, and all manner of fruit. She can feed herself cereal and has decided she will also drink the milk out of the bowl. This is a messy but endearing behavior that she's picked up. We don't really have to feed her at all anymore; in fact she won't even let us! We just give her a bowl of applesauce, yogurt, etc and she goes to town. She is also obsessed with crackers of any kind and would probably eat them 24/7 if we'd let her.

Her sleep schedule is also pretty consistent. She goes to bed around 8pm every night and sleeps until 7-8am (usually). If she is at home, she almost always takes two shorter naps (generally 10ish-11:30 and 3ish-4ish), which is fine by me. She takes one long nap at daycare, and if we are traveling or busy during the day, she only gets one nap with us too. The only reason we stick to two naps when we can is because it keeps her happier for a longer period of time in the evenings. We find that she is generally crabby by 7pm on days she only takes one nap, so in efforts to keep her happy and to keep us sane, we still aim for two naps whenever possible.

We don't have too much parental favoritism, which is good. She goes in spurts for a couple days where she only wants mommy or only wants daddy, but most of the time she is perfectly happy with whoever she's with. Aspen is usually pretty shy around strangers at first, giving them the stink eye until she decides she's ready to be her silly self. The switch usually happens when she has determined that the new person/people will pay attention to her and laugh at her silly antics. Class clown? I think so!

Speaking of class, Aspen still loves daycare. She is learning her friends' names, which is so stinking cute that I can't even handle it! She's one of the old-timers now, as she has been there longer than most of the kids. We are so grateful to have found such a fantastic daycare and plan on keeping her there as long as possible! (Either until I am able to stay home full time or until she is too old, which I think is actually when she starts kindergarten.) The teachers are wonderful, the atmosphere is awesome, and they actually TEACH the kids! It's not like most daycares where the kids just run wild and whatnot. They have a pre-k curriculum that they do with the 4 year olds, and all the kids are involved in other learning opportunities throughout the day (music, etc). Also, we love that they prepare most of the food from raw ingredients rather than using a lot of pre-packaged things. We're definitely not against pre-packaged food in moderation, but I certainly prefer to know that my daughter is getting the best nutrition possible, especially at such a young age!

In terms of general growth, we got her 18 month stats at the beginning of July --
Height: 33.75" (93rd percentile)
Weight: 25lb 9oz (66th percentile)
Head circumference: 18.7" (75th percentile)

Since her 12 month check up, she has grown 4" (and jumped up nearly 30 percentiles) and gained almost 5lbs (jumping up about 20 percentiles). Her noggin has finally slowed its growth and grew less than .5 inches (dropping her ~8 percentiles). Like her mama, her body is finally starting to catch up with the size of her giant head. :)

Right now, she is mainly wearing 24 month clothes, though some of it is too big. She can also wear a lot of 18 month stuff, but not all. Definitely a growing girl!

My little baby who was almost considered a failure to thrive baby because her incredibly slow weight gain as a newborn has picked up the pace and is doing absolutely fine! Lesson learned. Next time I get flack from doctors about my baby's slow weight gain, I'm going to brush it aside and know that some babies just don't gain as rapidly as they "should" and it doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong ... it just means that some babies gain weight at different rates. End soapbox.

So, that's that. My daughter is 19 months old, which I still cannot believe. For those wondering, we are not yet trying for a second baby and haven't decided when we will be ready for another. Now that our finances are in order (more on that in another post), we are certainly in a place (logistically) where we could handle a second, but we need to make sure we're mentally ready for two little ones as opposed to one. :)

Shocked!

2011-07-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

Truth be told, I hesitate to write this blog post in fear of jinxing myself because this seems too good to be true ... but oh well!

Aspen has gone to sleep 2 nights in a row without a pacifier and it HASN'T BEEN A PROBLEM! Woah!

On Wednesday night Brandon put Aspen to bed and for some reason, the pacifier that lives in her was missing. He put her in bed anyway and came out to get a new pacifier for her. Since she didn't cry, he never went back in ... and we didn't hear from her again all night!

We thought we'd test this out again last night and once again, we didn't hear a peep from her until the morning. Granted, she woke up earlier than we wanted (6:45am), but she's been waking up early on Fridays for a couple weeks so we can't really blame it on the lack of pacifier.

I really can't believe our luck though - we never imagined it would be this easy to take away her bedtime pacifier. All we have left is naptime, which shouldn't be a big deal since it's already gone at night. Guess we'll see!

New (old) posts

2011-07-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

In efforts to keep things chronological, I have backdated a few posts that I needed to write about things we've been doing for the last little while. In the event that anyone is interested in reading them, here they are for your reading pleasure:

Strawberry Picking

4th of July

Operation: Ditch the Pacifier Update

2011-07-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

Of all the things on my blogging to do, this is probably the easiest one to actually complete (and it's one of the most overdue posts!).

At the beginning of June, we decided it was time to start weaning Aspen off her pacifier, which was horribly stressful and caused a lot of distress for Aspen AND her well intentioned parents.

Here we are, a month later on the other side. We have successfully weaned her from daytime use, and haven't made plans to take it away at bedtime yet. She had in for about an hour in the car when we went to Medford at the beginning of the month, but didn't have it at all on the way home and did fine! We are definitely making progress.

We are working on using distraction as a good tool to help her soothe herself when she's throwing a fit or hurt herself or something, and she is actually not getting as crabby as often these days. It's definitely a good change! In the mornings and after naptime, she throws her pacifier back in her bed without a fit. Sometimes she'll still say 'bye-bye' to it, and othertimes she doesn't give it a second thought.

Now ... when will we EVER be brave enough to take it away at night?

Trask family garden v3.0

2011-07-15T09:24:00.000-07:00

After posting my last blog at work yesterday, I went to happy hour with a couple of girlfriends and then headed home. When I arrived, Brandon informed me that we needed to go check out the garden because he had discovered something pretty amazing.We went out to the garden and I was totally blown away by what he was showing me! Those zucchinis are the size of my forearm! There is a fourth that we can probably pick, but since we already have these three, we figured we'd wait a little bit longer. We also more broccoli! Yay!

Our cherry tree is still full of cherries, so we harvested yet another bowl. Our weekend adventure will be trying to figure out how to get all the deliciously ripe ones that are at the top of the tree and out of reach from our ladder/roof. Oh, and to figure out what to do with this batch of cherries ... but that's a different battle. ;) Brandon is thinking that if we lay a tarp down under the tree it will help keep them from bruising if we shake the branches. We'll see!

In other garden news, I made a rookie mistake and over planted our carrots because I was afraid none of them would grow! Instead, we might end up with a bunch of little carrots that never actually make it to full size. Oops! We'll see how they turn out.

Also, apparently the onions didn't get planted deep enough either, because a) only one lived and b) the one that did survive is pretty sad looking. Oh well, there is always next year!

Trask family garden v2.0

2011-07-14T13:54:00.000-07:00

The last time I posted about our garden was right when we first planted everything - much has changed since then! All changes have been for the better, as we have been enjoying the deliciousness of a blossoming garden that is ready for harvest.

March-June was extremely rainy this year, probably more than normal this year (considering we live in Portland, this is a big deal!). Because of that, our plants were well watered, but we weren't seeing a ton of progress on growth. However, once the sun came out in June/July, growth sky rocketed and we are now able to see the results of all that waiting!
This was a picture of our first little zucchini in the plant (that is taking over the box...). That plant is now FULL of zucchinis and I am sure that there will be more coming. One thing I have learned from others is that you probably only need one zucchini plant because they produce like crazy. Looking forward to being able to pick these bad boys soon!Once the weather warmed up, we put our tomato plants in the ground in our last box. We planted two regular tomato plants and a grape tomato plant. Yum! These are flowering/producing like crazy, so it is just a matter of time until we are able to start picking. We're probably 2-3 weeks away from a harvest (at least), but I am greatly looking forward to it.
Our brocolli has since been picked (see below), eaten, frozen, and fully enjoyed. We are still getting offshoots here and there, so we aren't totally finished with the plants, but almost. Next year I definitely want to plant more and have a longer harvest. Brandon installed sprinklers in the beds, which has helped out tremendously now that the weather is nicer. Sprinklers are certainly easier on the plants than a hose too!

This is 3 of the 4 heads of broccoli that we enjoyed! We ended up eating 3 of the heads and freezing the fourth, which I'm excited about. We eat broccoli all the time and I'm sure our frozen-garden bag will taste better than any of our other bags of frozen broccoli!
My favorite part about garden veggies is the color! Okay, it's not my absolute favorite, but is one of my favorite parts! The above picture is of our broccoli after it was steamed for Aspen. It was already a gorgeous shade of green, but turned even more beautiful after it was cooked!
We got to start enjoying our peas last week - we planted two different types of "bush" peas, but next year we'll definitely make a trellis. The "bushes" were still about three feet tall and heavy. I'm not sure if it impacted the growth of the peas at all, but if nothing else, it'll make it easier to harvest them! :)
There are still peas to harvest and have gotten 4 bowls of them so far. They are delightfully crunchy and delicious! I was able to freeze 2 dinner's worth so far and I'm hoping to get more. We are also thinking about planing more seeds to see if we can get a fall harvest as well.

We were lucky enough to fall in love with a house that came with a cherry tree, an apple tree, and a blackberry bush. The apple tree doesn't produce good apples and probably needs to be hacked up and completely ripped out/replaced with something healthier. We thought the same would be true for our cherry tree as well, but after Brandon trimmed it WAY back last winter, it came back so much healthier this year! Last summer, we were only able to get about half a bowl of edible cherries. This year, however, we are at 4 bowls and counting!

They are Rainier cherries, and absolutely sweet and delectable! There are still so many left on the tree - it's unreal! The boys were even up on the roof picking them last week! They are hardcore. :) So far, I've been able to use them to eat to my heart's delight and still have enough leftover to make cherry jam and can cherries for future use.
I got a new pectin that is supposed to make it so you don't have to cook the jam. It didn't work. Instead I ended up with really sweet cherry syrup. While it didn't make a good jam, it make for a heck of an ice cream topping!
We picked our first lettuce the other night after realizing that we could have probably been picking lettuce for a few weeks now. Brandon grilled the perfect steak and we chowed down on a salad made from our very own lettuce!
We planted four plants of romaine lettuce and five plants of red leaf lettuce. This morning before work, I cut and washed some of the red leaf lettuce for my salad for lunch - as with everything else we've grown, it was delightful and made my salad much better! I'm not sure what it is about garden veggies, but they are so much tastier than anything I have ever purchased from the store! I'm sure the fact that it is picked and eaten right away helps, but there is also probably a mental element about my own hard work being turned into food. Being self-sustaining is incredibly addicting. There is a small chance our entire yard will be a garden next year. That wouldn't be so bad though, would it?

Vacation Day #3

2011-07-08T15:04:00.000-07:00

[Backdating this post to make sure I keep things chronological. :)]

Today was vacation day #3 and technically, since it's Friday, this is my last vacation day. Being home with Aspen this week has been absolutely amazing and I feel so blessed to have had this week off. I feel so much more connected to this sweet little girl of mine than I have in a while - in a large part due to my own stress and anxiety, but also simply because there is always something else going on. But for the last week, there has been nothing else going on - nothing else that required a strict time table, anyway. It has been everything I hoped it would be and so, so much more!

We got off to kind of a slow start today, but not because Aspen slept in! She was up early today, but we lounged around for a good part of the morning - reading and playing with toys. After breakfast, I put her down for a nap and got myself ready for the day.

After she woke up, we headed back out to the Berry Barn to pick raspberries!Apparently picking raspberries isn't as fun for my little toddler as strawberries, but I think a large part of that is that she doesn't actually like the taste of raspberries. With the strawberries, she was eating them faster than we could pick them, but she took no interest in eating the raspberries. Part of me is grateful for this because it means I didn't have to worry about my berries disappearing, but it also meant I had to get creative about how to occupy her while I harvested those little gems of deliciousness.

Eventually, I ended up giving her a snack since lunchtime was nearing, and from that point on she sat in the wagon happily munching on her wheat thins. Good choice, mama. I ended up picking 3.83lbs - I really think I was a berry farmer in my past life. Picking berries is so relaxing and rewarding for me. I think I could go out there every day and pick berries! In fact, I would like to go back and get some more raspberries to freeze, and would eventually like to go pick blackberries and blueberries as well. My freezer is full of so much deliciousness right now and I can't wait to stuff it with more! Winter will be much more tolerable next year with all these little bursts of summer that I have tucked away. There's not much better than eating my fill of delicious summer fruits and veggies and still having extra!
After we got home, Aspen and I ate lunch and played for a little bit longer before she was ready to take another nap. While she was napping I started prepping my cherries and raspberries for jam so that we could run to Fred Meyer to get pectin and more jars right when she woke up.

I also blanched the rest of the peas and broccoli that we had picked from our garden so that I could pop them in the freezer.
I've never blanched veggies before, but I think I managed to do it right! Everything held its color and wasn't mushy, so we'll see what happens when we eat them later!
My jam turned out delicious! I made cherry and raspberry jam and am beyond pleased with the results! I think we are set on jam for a while now too. :) With the three different types (strawberry, raspberry, and cherry), I think we are up to 12 pints of freezer jam. Woah!

While I made jam, Aspen played by herself for a bit. It's wonderful that she is able to play independently now! Even though I adore her and have so much fun with her, it is also nice to not have to cram every single thing I need to do during the day into her naptimes.

What I learned is that sometimes when you're a toddler, you dress up like a snail ...... and sometimes you put blankets on your head and twirl around in circles.
She is SO funny! this is something I've always known, but it was definitely reaffirmed this last week!

The last thing we needed to accomplish before the afternoon was over was to clean the house a little bit. I did dishes and then started to clean up the living room so I could vacuum. Within about 3 minutes, Aspen already had her toys back out. Sometimes I just pretend my house is clean, even if it's not. :)
Tonight, our friends the Roylances came over for a taco bar dinner. Aspen loves Sofia and vice versa, so it is always really fun to get the kids together! We also happen to love their company, so it works out really well. :) We enjoyed dinner outside on the deck before parting ways so we could get our girls to bed.
While they were here though, Fia loved pushing Aspen in her swing. I think Aspen was a little confused about why Sofia was pushing her instead of us, but it was really cute and Aspen had a great time. So fun watching these two grow up together!

And so - vacation is complete. We had a busy weekend ahead of us and then it's back to work. It's been a much anticipated week, as it's been on the calendar for 2 1/2 months, but I am thriled with the days I had and couldn't have asked for much more.

Aspen's first time swimming

2011-07-07T23:43:00.000-07:00

Summertime means it's time for swimming! We bought a kiddy pool for Aspen this week, but it's not quite the same as going to a big pool to play. I wanted to take her last year, but needless to say, I was a little preoccupied last summer. This year, however, it has been at the top of my list of things to do once it got warm enough!

And now it is! Hooray! Admittedly, today hovered around 70 degrees for the high, but that didn't stop us. We packed up and headed to the Shute Park Aquatic Center this evening to play in their indoor heated pool.

When we got there, I carried Aspen right in. She was totally terrified as we walked across the pool to the 3-ish foot area. As soon as we got to the edge, I let her out of the pool and she was pretty determined to stay put on the pool deck. Brandon, who wasn't swimming, held her for a bit and then I got out and held her on my lap for a bit as well. We decided to let her have her pacifier for a little bit to see if that would help calm her down ... and it did! Within the next 10 minutes she went from Brandon's arms to my lap, to between my legs with her feet dangling in the water, to in my arms (but not touching the water), to finally wanting to be submerged up to her neck. Nice work, Aspen!

Once we were in, she was in and there was no going back. Needless to say, she totally LOVED the pool and playing in the water. I'm not surprised, as she loves her bath and would hang out in the tub all day if we would let her. I'm SO proud of her for overcoming her fear! She even put her face in the water totally unprompted!

We left the pool around 8:45 (about 15 minutes before closing and 45 minutes passed bedtime) because Aspen was starting to get a bit crabby, but we had a really good time while we were there! I'm so glad we took her and can't wait to take her swimming again! We are BBQing with our friends at their apartment this weekend, so (weather permitting) we'll have the chance to take her swimming then too! Hooray!

Appropriately, Aspen has officially gained the nickname "Nemo". :) Little lady loves Nemo ("Nema!") and I'm so proud of her and how well she did tonight! Having a baby is so much fun. :)

Vacation Day #2

2011-07-07T23:09:00.000-07:00

Today was day number two of vacation! I am really loving this time off and feel so blessed to be able to spend it with my little girl. It is good for my soul, that is for sure.

Aspen started off the day by sleeping until 9am! Woah! It gave me time to lay in bed for a little while, as well as take a shower and get ready for the day before she woke up. That was really nice! I like relaxing mornings where I don't feel like I have to rush to beat the clock.

After reading a few books, I got Aspen dressed, packed her breakfast and loaded her up in the stroller. We headed to one of the parks that is close to us. I decided to walk to the one that is ~1 mile away instead of the closer one to enjoy the cool morning. Aspen chowed down on her Cheerios and raisins all the way there, pointing out the birds and dogs and kitty cats all along the way. It's so fun to hear her exclaim words like the little human she is!We played at the park for about an hour and then headed back home for lunch. I've been craving breakfast burritos, so I decided a vacation day was a good day to make them! Ground turkey with taco seasoning, eggs, potatoes, and peppers ... yum!

After lunch, Aspen and I both took naps. I had some paperwork to put together into an email, so I did that first and then I decided naptime sounded like a good idea. I woke up to Aspen talking away in her crib.

We played around the house for a little while and then packed up to head to the library! I have been dying to take Aspen to the library the last few months. She LOVES books and loves to read! She'll even sit through longer books like Curious George and Henry & Mudge! Animal books are definitely a favorite in our house. Shocking. :)

The library turned out to be totally overwhelming for Aspen who was jetting from one shelf to another picking up book after book because she couldn't decide what to read! So many new books! We would read a few pages, then she would say "All done!" and get up to find another. I feel bad for the librarians who had to pick up after us! One of the first books she picked off the shelf was a potty training book - think she is trying to tell us something?
One of the fun parts about living in a house less than five miles from my childhood house is that a lot of the places we go now are places I went to as a child. The Shute Park Library is one of those places. It still looks exactly the same, though the lighting is brighter than I remember it being. It's pretty fun to think about how Aspen is going to grow up in the same city I spent the first ten years of my life!

The Shute Park Library happens to have a park attached to it (surprised?), so Aspen actually got to visit two parks today! Life is hard when you're a toddler. :)
On our way home, we stopped by Target to pick up some things and then I decided that we should have pizza for dinner, so we also stopped by Papa Murphy's. Chicken and garlic pizza - yum! I talked to a couple of women who were somewhere around my mom's age while I was there. Seeing Aspen made them reminisce about their own children and how time goes by so quickly. I couldn't agree more and Aspen is only a year and a half!
Brandon was already home when we got home at 5:30, and Aspen was thrilled to see him! I love how excited she is to see her daddy! They played while I put dinner in the oven. After we ate, Brandon headed out to the garage to check the breaks on the WRX before we left for the pool.
Aspen and I played inside. She found her beach towel and was carrying it around/wearing it on her head. Apparently all my talk about going swimming sunk in!
We left for the aquatic center (the same pool where I took swimming lessons as a child) around 7:15 and spent the next hour and a half or so at the pool ... but that's another post!

Vacation = success. Only a few more days until I have to go back to work! Yikes!